We’re all fed up to the back teeth with Angie hawking Q*Bert’s GoFundMe campaign, with which she hopes to squeeze enough cash from the gullible and easily duped to fly her American friend to London. Once here, he’ll hang out in pubs and attempt to ferret out ‘cult members’, whom he’ll somehow force to ‘squeal’ about their nefarious habits.
Oi, you in back there! Stop laughing!
But just in case you thought Q*Bert was an intellectual lightweight who just wants free rein to fly to a foreign country, trash his host’s house, wreck their car, and have a fun vacation, check this out: Q*Bert GoFundMe Mach II, The Vatican Edition!
Here’s what it’s all about:
Okay, did you understand any of that?
No, neither did we. So we did a bit of digging, and came up with a rough translation:
Yo, dudes, Q*Bert here! So, like, I’m thinking that, like, London’s all well and good, but the porn in England sucks balls, it rains all the time, and they drink their beer warm, so I’m just not really cool with staying there any longer than I have to, right? Plus, who really gives a shit about that whole Hampstead thing? Not me, that’s for sure.
But then I started thinking, you know, Italy’s got way better porn, and I could work on my tan a bit better, and hey, I hear drugs are cheap there. Like, honestly, this sounds like a lot better deal to me. So I found this dude Kevin Galalalalala or something, I wasn’t really paying attention, but he’s all into, like, chemtrails and vaccines and shit, and how the PTB are using them to kill people off, and whoa, something about condoms, I forget, but whatever.
Anyhoo….here’s my GoFundMe, so if you could share it with your friends and stick a bit of cash in to support me, I can get right on the very important topic of…what was that again? Oh, right: Stopping Global Depopulation! Kevin’s doing this hunger strike, and I’m gonna support him by laying around drinking vino and living la dolce vita (that’s Eye-talian for ‘the good life’ in case you’re a total noob who doesn’t understand the lingo).
So, um, yeah. PLEASE HELP!!!
Of course people are flocking like lemmings to this great cause: since 6 April it’s had a whole four shares on Facebook, and check out how much cash Q*Bert has collected in his Condoms and Chemtrails World Tour:
So, what about it? Will you be the first to give?
Yeah….no. Neither will we.