Fruitcake Quotes

The following malapropisms were all uttered/written by our distinguished counterparts over the Hoaxtead fence.

So put aside your indifferences, grab a cuppa and enjoy these gems of wordsmithery…

“The emperor’s got no clothes”

“Impolitically correct”

“You’ve worked your fingernails to the bone”

“The police were so futile to themselves”

“Our intentions are ignoble”

“Those who despitefully use you”

“He speaks with folk tongue”

“I can’t work with this level of idiocity”

“Don’t throw unnecessary allegories our way”

“Swaps don’t drain themselves”

“To horn in on what’s worth pursuing”

“I will not be putting Arthur on a pedalstool”

“My grandkids are auctioning today for roles in a movie”

“I relish you have concerns”

“Dilutions of grandeur”

“The word for the day is militant ignorance”

“So as David Livingstone I think it was said, I am going into the jungle – I may be some time”

“Your atrocious murder of the English language indicates you might have went to school in the US”

“You shout learn how to spell”

“We need to put aside our indifferences”


“Dicky Rearman will slip up one day and get his just deserves.”


“I know it’s a mute point…”

“I’m not even gonna mention their website, coz I really don’t wanna give them any more intention than they have.”

“Contact the Law Society if you had hair frolic tests carried out by this company”

“The harsh treatment metered out”

“From my up and coming film”

“We were at the Royal Court’s Injustice yesterday.”

“We are using high profile cases to set a president”

“I am supported by Amomynous”


“That’s a rhetorical question and the answer is yes”

“You’re morons. Period. You’re morons”

“I’m going to be lended some money”

“You’ve got a 98% of dying”

“Smooth FM is sponsored by Cancer Reshirt”

“They had to give her antibotics”

“It was catastrotic”

“They had to aminister it”

“You can’t harry love”

“Imagine if we all got together and conjugated outside the council building”

“We need to shove all those stick bastards back through our tunnel”

“God is our crater.”

“The USA has at least an ongoing investigation and arrests with this Pizzagate sandal”

“I’ve been pursing the fat cats”

“This problem is around the World. It’s endemic”

“He’s banning together with other ex-police officers”

“She has courage up the kazoo”

“Am battling mouth access at the moment”

“Cognitive dissidents”

“They have another think coming”

“We know the Zionists had their hands in that pie”

“Crimes have reached endemic proportions”

“A nation like Africa”

“Africa, the most resource-rich nation on this planet”

“Particularly countries like Africa”

“The profits that are made through robbing other countries, like Africa”

“What is the fuck going on?”

“Moreover, the article correctly refers to my being charred with a breach of the peace”

“Justice will be prevailed”

“Whey to go, Tracey”

“Freemasons, you’re supposed to be a paternity, aren’t you?”

“How can it be fake news, dingo berry?”

“We’ve seen the children’s testaments”

“It would be better to have a heavy milestone hung around his neck and drown in the depths of the sea”

“And suddenly there’s police offices coming to get Grandmother.”

“The guy has an ulterior motif”

“Something is aloof here”

“Extreme emotional mood swings, indicating a very unstable state of mine”

“At least you weren’t reported by a fiend”

“Telling the truth never was your strong suite”

“The gold was quarantined under the Indonesian Ocean”

“I’ve got one word to say to you, Daily Mirror: FUCK OFF!”

“Jim Humble doesn’t promote giving bleach enemies to children”

“I won’t name him…His name’s Tony”

“Christian is a made up phrase”

“Have all these satin worship people been stopped?”

“He made remarks to me about my ‘eyes’ but he didn’t mean the ones in my head”

“Chemtrails – there were none of these in the sixteens”

 “All your pedos are belong to us”

“One thing that the EU did provide to Britain was cheap medicines and cheap food”

“Use you brain a little”

“FBI – what does that stand for? Nobelts, Cunts and Assholes?”

“Remember – trolling is an art and I am Picassio”

“Kris Kosta aka Jacqui Framer”

“This is literally 1984”

“When you’re a Lady in the House of Commons, what do they call you?”

“These people are like rabbits – they ride bicycles and wear woolly hats”

“Under the Treason Act of 1776 if you say ‘Boo’ to God, you are hung”

“I am unto you, Dearman”

“Who’s gonna talk about the elephant on the table?”

“It’s coming down like a house of dominoes”

“This World has become asphalted over like some huge galactic condom”

“Admitting defeat is too strong a word”

“The masses have been dumb down”

“They can’t shut us up. How many times have I got arrested for exposure?”

“Fine to share from my end”

“He missed his vocabulary in life”

“They will be changing their names by depot”

“You’re just a bunch of mutters”

“You’re following the World War 3 gender”

“I’m not trying to sit here and portray myself as some kind of shining border collie of a person”

“Dresden was the Venice of Europe”

“This is gonna start growing expotentially”

“They did a complete three sixty”

“John Taylor and Sarah McCleod are MI5 shrills”

“If thieves broke into your home and stole your wi-fi…”

“No one is as blind as those who don’t listen”

“Most people are not willing to pay these exuberant prices”

“You will not be surprised to believe…”

“The wheat is being separate from the chaff here”

“The adjectives range from ‘traitor’ to ‘hero'”

“Now we’re out of Brexit”

“We have been persuaded to literally shoot ourselves in the foot”

“May you long rest in Hell, wherever you are”

“Great wok, guys”

“That’s doggy as fuck”

“If it comes into fruitation”

“What exonerates them of being innocent?”

“The unseen ones are invisible”

“I founded the Cannabis & Hemp Information Club with the primary aim of erasing people’s awareness”

“I see that Angela Daisy Power’s put one out”

“I’m going to take a puny [sic] here and guess logical thought processes and coherant [sic] writing aren’t your forte”

“Mental illness is in the mind”

“So let’s see where this checkmate goes”

“I must admit I’m a little overwhelmed with the depth and breath of your response”

“They implemented teachers, social services, police, judges, parents, priests…”

“I’ve never been convicted of possessing decent images of children”

“I’m absolutely straining at the bit”

“That man beats women! You condom that?”

“It was the night before you coned Angela”

“You better think about the times you were stoned and contacted me before you stick your dick on the railroad tract!”

“Rout in Hell!”

“It seizes to amaze me”

“Yes, there are some lovely spots around her. Looking forward to discovering more of them in the coming weeks”

“My point is always trying to get the BBC to expose themselves”

“With hindside…”

“A place called Crocodile in Russia”

“Covert drugging – please share”

“Yet the sheep still gaze blissfully”

“Angela’s in trouble for exposing the Hampstead children”


“BBC stands for bloody bullshit!!”

“That little European island that we call England and Scotland”

“The judge has done a premature ejaculation of the case”

“Never go to Scotland, including Nottingham”

“Now is the time to strike the iron while it’s hot”

“I’ve been waiting with debated breath”


List compiled by Spiny Norman, Scarlet Scoop & The Office Tapir

Please let us know of any worthy additions should you spot them  🙂


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