Saturday’s march to end “satnic abuse” was certainly the stuff of song and story, but perhaps not quite in the way organisers Jeanette Archer and Lydia “NOT LUAU” Lowe originally envisioned.
For starters, two of the star attractions—Vicky Ash and Samantha Baldwin—suddenly remembered that they had to wash their hair that day. This left Archer and the recent SRA convert Samantha Browne holding the bag. Ever stoic, however, Archer forged ahead.
Confusion reigned supreme
The event’s exact location wasn’t published in advance, which no doubt helped ensure that the turnout didn’t quite match Archer’s prediction of 300,000 people—we were informed from a source on the ground that perhaps 300 showed up in Hyde Park, but only about half that number managed to follow the actual march.
The others seemed to get confused and wandered off with various other groups which were demonstrating in London that day.
Archer seemed just a tad displeased with the defectors, but tried to keep her chin up:
The making of the signs
Starting at about noon, Archer’s devotees began drifting to Hyde Park, where they pulled out their crayons and sticky tape, and set about making signs for the march.
After refreshments, Archer tried to warm up the crowd with one of her trademark torture-porn speeches.
Perhaps because they’d heard it all before, some of her followers looked less than enthralled. Even her trusty bodyguard, James Zikic, couldn’t seem to work up much enthusiasm. Then again, he’s always a bit on the stoic side.
Meanwhile, Sam Browne sat on the ground, engrossed in something else entirely. Casting spells? Rehearsing her own SRA spiel? Asking herself what on earth she was doing there? Your guess is as good as anyone’s.
Archer’s speech contained the usual vivid descriptions of blood and gore, children being impaled on meathooks, and so on. Not exactly suited to a younger audience, and yet…
Oh, did we mention the Wong letter?
Because there was a Wong letter. Whether it originated from Wong (whose trial starts tomorrow, don’t think we’ve forgotten) is open to speculation, but it seems that Archer learned from her last foray into contempt of court charges…and had someone else read it out. Rule 1 in The Cult Leader’s Handbookˆ: don’t take the heat if you can find some sucker to do it for you.
At some point during this utter shitshow, Sam Browne took a moment to demonstrate…her horseback riding skills?
There was much milling about, both during and after Archer’s speechifying. Poor “Free Hugs Guy” looked as though he wondered whether he’d come to the wrong place.
…And they’re off!
Well all right, perhaps not quite. First they had to untangle the banner. You know, the banner paid for with the £1,900+ raised on Archer’s GoFundMe? Yeah, that one.
First, the banner carriers had to work out which way was up:
Eventually, though, they managed to get the thing open and facing in the right direction. Perhaps that was not such a wonderful idea:
But never mind, Jeanette—#ExposeSatnicAbuse has become an overnight hashtag on Twitter and YouTube, and is probably far more popular than whatever that other word was supposed to have been. See? Lemons…lemonade.
Now that they had a banner (sort of), they were ready to march. Heads up, everybody!
Some people seemed a bit unsure where they were supposed to be.
There was marching, there was the usual screeching about sexual abuse by famous dead people, there was more marching. We’ll spare you the gory details.
Honestly, we could go on all day, but we’ll end on this note: Archer looking less than enthusiastic, sitting in front of the laughing-stock banner while someone else makes a speech. Sums up the whole day, really.
Many thanks to our friends who attended and sent back images—you know who you are!