Abe’s not-so-triumphant return

Abraham Christie, noted cannabis enjoyer and amazing 37-time winner of all-expenses-paid trips to Her Majesty’s penitentiary system, seems to have awoken from his hemp-induced state long enough to make another pass at YouTube this week.

Sadly for him, during his absence the last of his fans gave up and went home, with the result that no cheering mobs greeted his come-back attempt.

• Sabine and Belinda? Gone.
• Neelu? In permanent residence on the Planet Zog.
• Angie? Thinks Abe and Ella are part of the ‘cult’.
• Jim McMenamin? Cries into his pillow when he thinks about Abe.
• Guidance 2222? Thinks Abe is pretty sketch-bag.

Pretty much his only remaining fan is Official Hoaxtead SpokesMonkey Drifloud, whose tone-deaf ramblings have alienated all but the most damaged and deranged on Twitter.

Still, like many formerly influential performers, Abe has gone for (yet another) change of stage names, and is once again giving it the old college try.

Posting as ‘Free the Hampstead 2’ on a video posted by someone who rejoices in the name Trishaly Banack (from Canmore, Alberta, in case you’re wondering), Abe sticks with his old tried-and-true formula: maximum big words and lies, minimum logic and common sense:

The tl:dr version: the interviewing officer followed (gasp!) police procedure. Shocking, we know.

Anyone who actually watched that video will recall that the little boy seemed to relax more and more as the interview progressed; and when he realised that he wouldn’t be returning to his mother and her abusive partner, he grinned widely and looked incredibly relieved.

Abe, of course, sees it differently. Not that anyone cares.

Funnily enough, neither the video itself nor Abe receive a warm reception:

Ah well. We suppose it must have been fun while it lasted. After all, it’s not every day you get to create your very own online hoax, torture children to do your bidding, harass and terrorise an entire community, and get your name splashed all over the internet.

As it is now, though, Abe is definitely yesterday’s news. No one really gives a rat’s ass what he thinks; no one believes a word that issues from his smarmy mouth; and worst of all, no one is paying the slightest attention to him, other than to point and laugh.

And that, we think, is as it should be.