A question we’ve asked many times, and heard echoed by commenters on countless YouTube videos, is “Why does Ella seem so cold and detached when she speaks of her children?”
If you listen to any of her many interviews over the past year, you’ll hear a woman who seems to be completely devoid of any warmth or distress about her kids, even while she tells interviewer after interviewer about ‘the cult’ perpetrating the most dreadful abuses on them. What’s that all about?
As usual, one of our insightful followers provides some useful observations:
CRIS report:’Several referrals were made to CAMHS and Tavistock in the past that ED did not attend.
Dr Hodes ‘was particularly concerned as she felt that the children were at risk being left in the home environment with ED and AC, as ED has not appeared to protect her children’.
So it beginning to emerge that Ella has NOT pursued/attended/engaged with referrals regarding concerns relating to the children’s psychological welfare (CAMHS/Tavistock). This is irresponsible and an indication of her true care of the children’s emotional life. The problems, if they were present, may have stemmed from Ella’s parenting style. Maybe that’s what all those tantrums were about – not enough love. Ella’s lost emotions.
This may be something which she is not responsible for. Her own experiences in childhood may be the cause of her own coldness, and lack of affect, something very evident in her interviews. She never shows any emotion towards the children, no handwringing, no tears, no NOTHING. Just words. Words without passion. No ‘I MISS them, for example. No ‘I cry at night’. So many mothers have commented on yt pages under Hampstead interviews: ‘If that was me, I would be fighting, present, to the death.’ But somehow this maternal feeling is absent in Ella. I am not saying she does not care for or love her children, at some level, in a kind of detached way. Of course she feels much much guilt. But being with chameleon seducer psychopath Abe is priority for her, her own needs come first. Separation from HIM would be more troubling to Ella than the loss of her children.
Thankfully the children do have a loving father to step in and pick up the pieces of the chaos Ella has created. One day the ‘in love with Abe’ will turn into disgust when her rosy specs fall off. What parts of her relationship with her children will she be able to salvage then?
From the limited information presently available, Ella’s behaviour suggests a lack of warmth from her own mother as a child, resulting in her own inability to show warmth or empathise with her children – as we have seen in her behaviour and in many interviews. Generationally handed down attachment styles. Her lack of normal mothering instincts: Not protecting her offspring, walking away from them.
Ella’s preference – and clinging to – a man’s love over her children may suggest she had a warmer relationship with her father than mother during childhood, and that she clung to this in the absence of anything else, perhaps. This may have been her method of emotional survival, which is still being played out today. A better ‘fed’ child Ella would have grown up to have the resources to handle the stress of single parenthood with her children who she found difficult. She had to brace herself against the arduous task of picking them up from school’ due to the difficult drive home, by her own admission.
In steps Abe, a controlling man, her saviour. ‘He will instill compliance in them where my love has failed’.
Many thanks to ‘Another Watcher’.