Vogon Poetry Corner: The Epic of Jeranism

Despite the fact that the Hampstead satanic abuse hoax has been roundly debunked, and abandoned by all but the most flamingly mad, a few people seem not to have received the memo.

One would be Jeran Campanella, who also goes by the name “Jeranism”, and recently released yet another “tell-all” video that not only illegally features the faces and voices of the children, but doesn’t even get Ella’s, P’s or the judge’s names correct. In fact, the thing is so riddled with factual inaccuracies and deranged conclusions that it’ll make you want to put your boot through your computer screen. If you decide to watch it, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

And no, I am not paying for your new monitor.

However, it turns out that Jeranism is not only responsible for epic fails in the video department—he’s also a Flat Earther (yes, he argues with a straight face that the earth is in fact flat) and all-round general purpose troofer…and he fancies himself a writer. Specifically, a writer of poetry.

Here’s a sample: Jeran Campanella poemYes, friends, it’s Truther Poetry. And lest you think this is the extent of it, let me assure you: it goes on for pages. It’s like the fucking Epic of Gilgamesh, written for cretins. A few more verses, chosen at random:

Are we all just unimportant pawns in an international struggle?
Or is it bigger than that, with lies all over. Who designs the images from Hubble?

Yes. He just said that.

Had enough yet?
Too bad, there’s more:

But I’m calling bullshit on all of it, it’s so fake it’s upsetting
They say it’s real but c’mon,  I mean the James Foley beheading?
 
They lost MH370? as it continues to get stranger…
Anyone checked the E.X.I.F. data that points to a Diego Garcia empty hangar?

I know, I know…”stranger” and “hangar” don’t exactly rhyme…but you have to admit, it’s not every day you read a poem featuring “E.X.I.F. data”.

Frankly, there is simply not enough coffee in the world, flat or otherwise, to sustain me all the way through this astonishing piece of drivel.

But those of us here at Hoaxtead Research HQ have decided that in honour of Darrenjism’s, er, efforts, we ought to institute a Vogon Poetry Award, to be given annually to the poet whose work inspires the most suicidal ideation. The winner will receive this tasteful plaque: hh_vogonpoetryAnd by strange coincidence, we have a winner for the 2015 award! Darrenjism, come on down!

By the bye, isn’t that a Masonic symbol on your hat? Jeranism

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24 thoughts on “Vogon Poetry Corner: The Epic of Jeranism

  1. I like the poetry. I thought some of the metaphysical imagery was effective. There are interesting rhythmic devices which counter-point the surrealism of the underlying metaphor, similar to those you find in Joyce’s Finnegan’s Wake. Not everyone could pull this off.

    Congratulations to the writer on winning this award. Well deserved. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

    • “I like the poetry. I thought some of the metaphysical imagery was effective. There are interesting rhythmic devices which counter-point the surrealism of the underlying metaphor, similar to those you find in Joyce’s Finnegan’s Wake.”

      Is that not just a dodgy central heating pump you’re hearing???

      Liked by 2 people

      • I don’t think you’re really getting it. What starts out as contemplation at the beginning soon becomes finessed into a dialectic of power, leaving only a sense of decadence and the inevitability of a new reality.
        As temporal derivatives become clarified through frantic and diverse wording, the reader is left with an insight into the outposts of our condition. It’s brilliant. Quite brilliant!

        Liked by 3 people

          • You got me. You’re right of course. I teach a course called Existential Motifs in late 20th Century Literature, focusing on the Tufnell Park set, which included Madge Herron. Their themes were God, man, nature, politics and copulation though not necessarily in that order. I can see the same Ferlinghetti-esque leaning in Jeran Campanella’s work. It’s astounding.

            Liked by 3 people

        • Arthur Dent, I am CRYING.
          BUT…

          They are sweet,
          Not bitter tears

          And tho’ I wheap and wheap and wheap (sicsicsic) for the planet
          With its flatness, Sodomites, lizards and fears

          I’ll allways (sic)have this to make me grin
          Whenever I pohnder (sic) the really, really, really, really, really bad state our pancakey world is in.
          With grattitude (sic),
          -Mme. FC

          Liked by 1 person

          • I have to say I was transported beyond myself on reading this cacophonous carnival.

            Your poem reminds me of the Vogon masterpiece ‘An Ode to the fag end I found in the middle of a crop circle and smoked on the way home.’

            Is there no end to the genius on this site!

            Liked by 2 people

          • I must say, the multifarious talents of this blog’s commenters never cease to amaze and astound. I have a tear in me ‘ee over that one, truly I do! Or perhaps I need new glasses. Hard to tell.

            Like

        • Thank you so much ! That’s one of my all-time favorites !
          I do try, but could never begin to approach the sheer poetic mastery of d-jism.

          Having said that, it’s irrefutable that the shards of brilliance on this site cut deep, Dr. Dent. It’s nothing short of breathtaking, really
          (*wiping away yet another tear of tingly grattitude (sic).

          Liked by 1 person

  2. You’re wrong about the hat. That’s a big ‘S’ which could be for ‘Satan’. ‘SF’ like ‘Satan’s Followers’. They don’t fool me.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Pingback: Jeranism and Hoaxteaders: A match made in heaven | HOAXTEAD RESEARCH

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