This just in: the alien reptile problem is much bigger than any of us thought!
According to that bastion of journalistic truth and integrity, The Mirror, alien reptiles have been abducting earthling women and taking them to the dark side of the moon, where they use them as combination sex slaves/heavy labourers!
At least, that’s what a woman named Niara Terela Isley is claiming:
A former US Air Force worker has claimed she was abducted by reptile aliens who raped her on the moon countless times.
Niara Terela Isley, who worked as a radar tracking officer, said she was snatched by a “humanoid with a tail” and taken to a secret base on the far side of the moon.
While there, she said she was made to have sex with aliens and lift boxes.
Shocking we know, but that’s her story, and she’s sticking to it.
This does raise a question or two, though: for example while we can see the sex part (since alien reptile people probably strike out with women a fair percentage of the time, due to their scaliness and, well, tails), why was Ms Isley forced to lift boxes? Has alien technology not progressed as far as the fork-lift?
She claimed security guards raped her in front of an audience after she was jabbed in the neck with a mystery drug while in an underground lair.
My goodness! Rapes…in front of audiences…while drugged…in hidden lairs. It all sounds horrifyingly familiar (except for the box-lifting part, which still puzzles us).
Coincidence? We think not!
Charlotte Ward Alton, shield your eyes!
Oh, wait, stop the presses…looks like Ms Isley has commented on this story:
Still, it does solve the whole box-lifting issue.