Archer’s march: The day in pictures

Saturday’s march to end “satnic abuse” was certainly the stuff of song and story, but perhaps not quite in the way organisers Jeanette Archer and Lydia “NOT LUAU” Lowe originally envisioned.

For starters, two of the star attractions—Vicky Ash and Samantha Baldwin—suddenly remembered that they had to wash their hair that day. This left Archer and the recent SRA convert Samantha Browne holding the bag. Ever stoic, however, Archer forged ahead.

Confusion reigned supreme

The event’s exact location wasn’t published in advance, which no doubt helped ensure that the turnout didn’t quite match Archer’s prediction of 300,000 people—we were informed from a source on the ground that perhaps 300 showed up in Hyde Park, but only about half that number managed to follow the actual march.

The others seemed to get confused and wandered off with various other groups which were demonstrating in London that day.

Archer seemed just a tad displeased with the defectors, but tried to keep her chin up:

The making of the signs

Starting at about noon, Archer’s devotees began drifting to Hyde Park, where they pulled out their crayons and sticky tape, and set about making signs for the march.

As it turned out, these were some of the better specimens.

“Hey, can you read this? Well never mind, it’ll have to do”.

Yep. those are some signs, all right.

And after sign-making, it was snack time.

Warm-up speeches

After refreshments, Archer tried to warm up the crowd with one of her trademark torture-porn speeches.

Is that…a barbeque she’s standing on?

Perhaps because they’d heard it all before, some of her followers looked less than enthralled. Even her trusty bodyguard, James Zikic, couldn’t seem to work up much enthusiasm. Then again, he’s always a bit on the stoic side.

Meanwhile, Sam Browne sat on the ground, engrossed in something else entirely. Casting spells? Rehearsing her own SRA spiel? Asking herself what on earth she was doing there? Your guess is as good as anyone’s.

Also, does anybody know what a gibborim is? We’re thinking perhaps a species of African monkey.

Archer’s speech contained the usual vivid descriptions of blood and gore, children being impaled on meathooks, and so on. Not exactly suited to a younger audience, and yet…

Who on earth would bring small children to an event of this sort? And should they be reported for child abuse? That is a rhetorical question. Yes. Yes, they should be reported.

Two children and…a cat? Well, at least the poor animal won’t be traumatised by Archer’s bizarre torture fantasies.

Oh, did we mention the Wong letter?

Because there was a Wong letter. Whether it originated from Wong (whose trial starts tomorrow, don’t think we’ve forgotten) is open to speculation, but it seems that Archer learned from her last foray into contempt of court charges…and had someone else read it out. Rule 1 in The Cult Leader’s Handbookˆ: don’t take the heat if you can find some sucker to do it for you.

Jeanette, could you at least try to look interested?

At some point during this utter shitshow, Sam Browne took a moment to demonstrate…her horseback riding skills?

There’s a time and a place for everything, Sam. Just saying.

There was much milling about, both during and after Archer’s speechifying. Poor “Free Hugs Guy” looked as though he wondered whether he’d come to the wrong place.

This leaflet was handed out, though we must assume that people turning up for a “Stop SRA” rally might already be familiar with these particular lies. Still, perhaps it was meant as a souvenir of the event?

“What do I hear for this water bottle? Do I hear £10?…£10? How about £15?…Oh, never mind, let’s just march then”.

…And they’re off!

Well all right, perhaps not quite. First they had to untangle the banner. You know, the banner paid for with the £1,900+ raised on Archer’s GoFundMe? Yeah, that one.

First, the banner carriers had to work out which way was up:

“No, pull up on your end…no! the other side!”

Eventually, though, they managed to get the thing open and facing in the right direction. Perhaps that was not such a wonderful idea:

“You had one job, Lydia. ONE JOB”.

But never mind, Jeanette—#ExposeSatnicAbuse has become an overnight hashtag on Twitter and YouTube, and is probably far more popular than whatever that other word was supposed to have been. See? Lemons…lemonade.

Now that they had a banner (sort of), they were ready to march. Heads up, everybody!

Backed by a roaring crowd of 300,000, Archer strode boldly…oh, wait.

“Are we marching? Which way? What’s that sign say? Who are you, and where’s my horse?”

Some people seemed a bit unsure where they were supposed to be.

Let Covid denial be your umbrella

“Look, Mavis, it says right here: UK Column supporters meet next to the SRA loonies”.

These Assange supporters look a bit lost.

There was marching, there was the usual screeching about sexual abuse by famous dead people, there was more marching. We’ll spare you the gory details.

“They buried me alive with snakes! And I DIED!….Well, okay, I did get better…”

Sam Browne, not to be outdone, had a meltdown of her own. James looked unmoved, but others seemed to be contemplating whether to call for help.

Honestly, we could go on all day, but we’ll end on this note: Archer looking less than enthusiastic, sitting in front of the laughing-stock banner while someone else makes a speech. Sums up the whole day, really.

“There’s gotta be a better way to separate people from their cash”.

Many thanks to our friends who attended and sent back images—you know who you are!