Angie: Does she suck or blow?

We think we know what Angela Power-Disney’s real problem is. We mean, aside from the pathological lying and narcissism, which are more or less a given. Yes, it’s true, we’re venturing in where experienced psychiatrists fear to tread, but we think we’ve got it: you see, Angela tries to suck and blow at the same time.

(No, not that way… at least, not that we know of—get your minds out of the gutter! Sheesh.)

What we mean is, Angela wants to have it both ways.

She wants us to believe that she is a posh, educated lady from a well-to-do background, a world traveller, owner of multiple residences in various countries, multi-lingual, and related to people like Princess Diana. She’s the sort of person who wears armpit-high gloves and fancy hats and seems to have an entire wardrobe of vintage early-90s clothing, complete with Peter Pan collars and shoulder pads out to here.

She pops off to her little hideaway in Lanzarote on a whim, seemingly insouciant about small, unimportant things that might worry other people—you know, like “the cost of airline tickets” or “paying rent/mortgage on two or more properties at a time”.

And yet, she would also have us believe that she is down to her last fag, unable to pay the (rent? mortgage?) on her various properties, on the verge of having her electricity cut off, about to lose her show(s) on the Con-the-Consumer Network because she can’t scrape up the funds to cover the ‘broadcast fee’.

She claims to be a Christian, yet waffles on and on about God smiting people on her behalf—betraying a very strange view of the religion she claims to espouse.

And the contradictions don’t stop there!

In one breath she’ll say that she knows that RD’s children could not have been coached to deliver their lines about the imaginary cult in Hampstead, because children cannot possibly remember that much detail and sound so convincing. Nope, just not possible, no way.

And then in the next breath, she says, “#THIS is my daughter and I listening to the HILARIOUS audition of my grandchildren for parts in the MEL GIBSON and SEAN PENN movie due to be filmed in Ireland….SHUT UP the begrudgers I would KILL anyone who touched my grandchildren!! ANYWAY….omg omg omg they have a CALL BACK audition tomorrow with the movie Director and the Casting Agency owner and told to keep all filming dates until December FREE!! PRAYERS PLEASE!! p.s. AD LIB by my grand daughter mid way through scene….DID YOU KNOW SOME INDIAN PEOPLE PRAY TO COWS?”

Isn’t it strange how her own grandchildren are brilliant enough actors to get parts in a Hollywood film, while RD’s kids could not possibly have been acting?

And speaking of Hollywood, aren’t all Hollywood types “suspect” and “implicated”, in Angie’s books? Why is she jumping around and squee-ing like a pre-teen fangirl at the thought of her beloved grandchildren being selected to act in a Hollywood film with FAMOUS ACTORS, when out the other side of her mouth she’ll tell us about how Hollywood is really a latter-day Sodom and Gomorrah, full to the brim with Satanists who’d eat your kids as soon as look at you?

Sucking and blowing at the same time. It can’t be done, Angie…at least, not without choking.