Vogon Poetry Corner: The Epic of Jeranism

Despite the fact that the Hampstead satanic abuse hoax has been roundly debunked, and abandoned by all but the most flamingly mad, a few people seem not to have received the memo.

One would be Jeran Campanella, who also goes by the name “Jeranism”, and recently released yet another “tell-all” video that not only illegally features the faces and voices of the children, but doesn’t even get Ella’s, P’s or the judge’s names correct. In fact, the thing is so riddled with factual inaccuracies and deranged conclusions that it’ll make you want to put your boot through your computer screen. If you decide to watch it, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

And no, I am not paying for your new monitor.

However, it turns out that Jeranism is not only responsible for epic fails in the video department—he’s also a Flat Earther (yes, he argues with a straight face that the earth is in fact flat) and all-round general purpose troofer…and he fancies himself a writer. Specifically, a writer of poetry.

Here’s a sample: Yes, friends, it’s Truther Poetry. And lest you think this is the extent of it, let me assure you: it goes on for pages. It’s like the fucking Epic of Gilgamesh, written for cretins. A few more verses, chosen at random:

Are we all just unimportant pawns in an international struggle?

Or is it bigger than that, with lies all over. Who designs the images from Hubble?

Yes. He just said that.

Had enough yet?
Too bad, there’s more:

But I’m calling bullshit on all of it, it’s so fake it’s upsetting

They say it’s real but c’mon,  I mean the James Foley beheading?

 

They lost MH370? as it continues to get stranger…

Anyone checked the E.X.I.F. data that points to a Diego Garcia empty hangar?

I know, I know…”stranger” and “hangar” don’t exactly rhyme…but you have to admit, it’s not every day you read a poem featuring “E.X.I.F. data”.

Frankly, there is simply not enough coffee in the world, flat or otherwise, to sustain me all the way through this astonishing piece of drivel.

But those of us here at Hoaxtead Research HQ have decided that in honour of Darrenjism’s, er, efforts, we ought to institute a Vogon Poetry Award, to be given annually to the poet whose work inspires the most suicidal ideation. The winner will receive this tasteful plaque: And by strange coincidence, we have a winner for the 2015 award! Darrenjism, come on down!

By the bye, isn’t that a Masonic symbol on your hat?