Angie: A new, improved theory

Well, Angela Power-Disney has been absent from the Con-the-Consumer Network since November (can we hear “Amen!”), but she was back Friday night in an interview with Sandy Bergen, the peppy American ex-drug addict who has now apparently switched to inhaling helium.

If you don’t believe us about the helium, check this out:

Anyway. The interview. Where were we?

Oh, right. Angie spent the first half of the video, though it seemed much longer, bitching and moaning about McKenzies Devils and Hoaxtead Research.

A few points

She still seems to think MKD and HR are one and the same, and she can’t make up her alleged mind as to whether HR is run by RD or GCHQ, or possibly both.

“Everywhere I go, these monsters follow me”, she said, noting that “six of my colleagues got arrested, two were sectioned, and two died…er no, one died and one disappeared”. We were responsible for all that? Whoa, we must be much more powerful than we imagined. We’re impressed.

Sadly, we must inform Angie that those arrests had nothing at all to do with us, much as we would enjoy taking responsibility for them. That was all down to the police, who we can assure you have absolutely nothing to do with this blog.

Also, if GCHQ does indeed publish a booklet on how to troll people, they have not yet seen fit to share it with us. Perhaps it’s one of those things you have to send away for with 10 cereal box tops? Must look into that.

As for our ability to cast spells (yes, Angie actually claims we do this)…trust us, if we could do that, we would have shut Hoaxtead down long, long ago.

Oh! Here’s a moderately interesting bit: at 1:41:00 or thereabouts, Angela says that she dated a German diplomat for 25 years! Now that’s what we call a long courtship. And if, as she seems to imply, this relationship began while she was in her late teens, does this mean that it overlapped with her marriage to the gay fellow in Sausalito, or the paedophile, or even to Mr Disney?

Because her two sons are in their early 20s, which means she had them in her mid- to late 30s…but if she started dating Holger Fischter or whatever his name was when she was 18ish, and they were together for 25 years…well, you do the math.

A modest proposal

Of course, the other possibility is one that we’ve been considering, but haven’t dared speak aloud: is it remotely possible that Angela is actually, well, undead?

Think about it—she shows all the signs:

1. Inability to run: Well, we don’t know this one for sure, but given her wheezing and puffing, we are pretty sure Angie won’t be entering any marathons in the near future.
2. Signs of physical decomposition: She’s said it herself—she must wear armpit-length gloves to hide the fact that the flesh on her arms has begun to disintegrate. Also: have you ever seen Angie in close-up? We have.
3. Really bad body odour: Could be why she smokes so much. The stench covers up the smell of rotting flesh. Look, it’s possible.
4. Constant eye-rolling: Have you ever seen a zombie movie in which the undead don’t roll their eyes? We rest our case.
5. Inability to speak coherently: Need we elaborate?
6. Mental deterioration: The undead are noted for their shaky grasp on reality. For example, Angie actually says, “I have people as recently as a few months ago, thinking because of my name ‘Disney’ and because I’m MK Ultra and because I’m working on some heavy duty case, ‘oh you’re leading me to assassination…this is a set up, you’re a honey trap'”.
   Angie, you might be a trap, but the honey ran out long, long ago.
7. Brains, or lack thereof: Think about it—could this explain her constant need to feed on other people’s thoughts and emotions? She might not have progressed to actually physically eating brains, but she’s definitely a pro at sucking the life out of her victims.

If she truly is undead, this would explain Angie’s amazing capacity to pack several lifetimes worth of experiences into her alleged 59 years on this planet. Eleven marriage proposals? Twenty-five years with a German diplomat?

It all really happened, you see…just over a much longer time-span. We’re estimating 300 years.

Of course, we can’t prove anything, and we’re not saying Angie really is undead, but let’s just say we’ll be keeping our eyes peeled for signs in future.