‘Michelle Remembers’: The genesis of the SRA myth

The other day one of our regular readers shared an amazing experience: Justin was among those present when the term ‘Satanic ritual abuse’ was introduced to the lexicon. It’s a fascinating story, that contains some really valuable insights into the present-day witch-hunts, and the motives that drive those who start them.

Do you know the story behind Dr Lawrence Pazder – [the man who invented the terms “satanic ritual abuse” and “ritualized abuse” in the late 1970’s] – and his patient-wife Michelle – [the woman whose alleged life story as a satanic abuse cult victim was related in their book Michelle Remembers] – ?

A young woman named Michelle Smith was a patient of distinguished psychiatrist Dr Lawrence Pazder, in Victoria, Canada, late 1970s. I can’t remember what she went to him for originally, something routine like depression. Pazder was married, a devout traditional Catholic family man. Michelle was also married but perhaps not so happily.

Pazder suspected child abuse might be a factor in Michelle’s psychological problems, but she had no memories of such, so Pazder started probing her subconscious memory through hypnosis. These hypnotherapy sessions became more and more frequent, sometimes lasting half a day or longer. Sometimes they were conducted in settings beyond Pazder’s office, including in hotel rooms located in quiet tourist retreats towns. Sometimes Pazder would receive calls at home from Michelle, and abruptly rush off to administer an “emergency” session. This might happen at any hour of the day or night, apparently.

After several years of treating Michelle, Pazder divorced his wife, Michelle divorced her husband, and Lawrence and Michelle got married to each other and published Michelle Remembers.
Michelle Remembers detailed the horrific sexual abuse and torture that Michelle supposedly suffered at the hands of a sadistic satanic abuse cult, as a very young girl – like, aged 4-6 or something like that.

Some of us who were involved in the original skeptical investigation into the truthfulness of the allegations made in that book, became convinced of the following scenario:
During the hypnotherapy sessions, Pazder would suggest a cult sex abuse scenario to Michelle and she would respond by recounting a graphic, lurid, detailed tale of an episode of severe sadistic rape & torture of herself as a VERY LITTLE girl, which Pazder would record. After she came out of trance, they would listen to the tape together and become SO AROUSED by it—because they were both secretly very deranged sexual perverts—that they would immediately thereafter ACT IT OUT with Lawrence playing the role of sadistic satanic abuser and Michelle the role of a pure, innocent, holy little child of 5 or 6 years. These role-playing sessions were probably both the origin of, and the focus of, the romantic-sexual affair that they admittedly conducted throughout the course of her years of “treatment”, behind their spouses’ backs.

SRA abuse scenarios ARE pornography for some people. There’s just no question about that.

We found this account fascinating, and asked Justin to elaborate, which he kindly did:

References…for the role-playing? Do you mean, like, transcripts of the porn videos they made of themselves as they acted out her fantasies?
Hahahahahahaha – CLUNK! [fell out of chair laughing]
Surely, you jest? 🙂

No, not exactly. The scenario I described was a logical deduction based on all of the information available to us at that time.

From 1987-1992, I was a volunteer community advisor to a joint national police & civic police intelligence unit (IIU), assisting detectives researching “cult and occult crime”. I was connected up-the-wazoo with info networks at that time; religious/spiritual, counterculture/subculture, academics, social work & child-care professionals, and of course law enforcement. This included Kerr Cuhulain, who was a serving police officer in the Vancouver-Victoria area at that time, and his WIN network. Together we had access to so much info, from so many sources, including proverbial “off the record” statements from the IIU guys’ “confidential informants”, just like in the TV cop drama shows. Some information on these subjects was never formally documented, much more information never made into the digital age – as far as I can tell. We had seasoned, trained investigators “on the ground”, literally in the Pazder’s own community, capable of hunting down every conceivable source of relevant information. I can’t reproduce that experience for you, I’m afraid.

But, I will summarize the logic-chain and provide links to a few relevant sources so you can explore the subject for yourself.’

From Wikipedia: “Pazder and his first wife Marylyn had four children together and were married for many years until he developed a relationship with his patient Michelle Smith. Court documents filed in the divorce proceedings indicated that between March 1977 and June 1979 Pazder disappeared with Smith (co-author of Michelle Remembers) for lengthy periods of time. In 1979 after a rejected attempt at annulment, Pazder divorced his first wife and later married his former patient and co-author, Smith”.

1) Pazder disappeared with Smith for lengthy periods of time. The implied “romantic” relationship between them during the period cited is the adultery upon which the divorce was granted. It took place within the period of time when Michelle Smith was officially a patient of Pazder. “Romantic” relationships between doctor and patient are forbidden under psychiatric professional regulations and can even constitute a criminal offense. By engaging in this long-term affair with his patient, Pazder was not only risking loss of his family relationships but also loss of his license to practice and possibly even criminal prosecution. There must have been something so special and intoxicating about “being with” Michelle that he just couldn’t resist the temptation (and neither could she!).

Again from Wikipedia: “In 1976 when Pazder was treating Smith for depression (related to her having had a miscarriage), Smith confided she felt that she had something important to tell him, but could not remember what it was. Shortly thereafter, Pazder and Smith had a session where Smith screamed for 25 minutes non-stop and eventually started speaking in the voice of a five-year-old. Over the next 14 months Pazder spent over 600 hours using hypnosis to help Smith recover alleged memories of Satanic ritual abuse that occurred when she was five…”

2) The period of time during which Pazder conducted intensive – bordering on obsessive – hypnotherapy sessions with Michelle, overlaps with when they would disappear together for long periods. The overlap is likely greater than suggested by these wiki entries, the disappearing likely began before the earliest date admitted to in the divorce, and the hypnotherapy likely continued much longer than Pazder’s account of it in Michelle Remembers, but the adultery begins AFTER the hypnotherapy got going, NOT before the hypnotherapy – although she had been his patient for 3 years before the hypnotherapy started.

3) The basis of their adulterous relations therefore has something to do with the hypnotherapy. They really had nothing else “in common”, no discernible basis even for a friendship let alone a passionate adulterous secret romance over several years.

4) The hypnotherapy is all about the satanic ritual abuse cult “memories” fantasy, which they were co-concocting during this time and eventually published in Michelle Remembers.

5) Pazder’s lecture presentations on the subject of “satanic/occult/ritualistic” crime were derived from his SRA sex fantasies. In fact, they were little more than RECITATIONS of his SRA sex fantasies. (I will provide a link to a transcript of one, so you can verify this for yourself). In these lectures, Pazder describes sadistic “ritual” abuse of very young children, at the hands of their families and other members of alleged SRA cults. The horrific sexual violations and torture of these little children described by Pazder are NOT taken from any media accounts or criminal case references or court proceedings. Pazder provides no citation of any kind, for anything in his lecture, other than Michelle Remembers itself. Actual law enforcement personnel ALWAYS take their lecture’s criminal behaviour examples from case citations. The guys from IIU attended one of his lectures and remarked on the lack of case references. “Those were just fantasies”, said one of them. His partner snorted: “Yea, SEXUAL ABUSE fantasies!”

Pazder’s SRA stories were sexual abuse fantasies. They were “sex fantasies”. They were unique to him. They were Pazder’s own “sex fantasies”.

ritualistic crime seminar 1986

Michelle Remembers- False “Survivor” Story of Satanic Abuse

Mail on Sunday: the debunking of a myth

This article was first published on 18 September 2015.

Michelle Remembers

104 thoughts on “‘Michelle Remembers’: The genesis of the SRA myth

  1. Great post, EC.

    You may recall that Keelan Balderson did some good stuff on ‘Michelle Remembers’ and the origins of SRA:

    The ‘Michelle Remembers’ bit starts at 12:18.

    Liked by 2 people

    • It does seem logical…but odd, basically, Padzer found a willing participant in his client, soon to be wife, as soon as he divorced the other, to help him realise his (otherwise hidden?) depraved sexual desires which were sadistic in nature and then he wrote a book about his fantasies and gave lectures describing his fantasies, pretending all the while the disgusting thoughts his mind was busy with were real and that there were genuine victims of his pretend nonsense – that’s some serious exhibitionist behaviour going on there.

      He’s the ultimate dirty old man in a mac flashing at naive youngsters to scare them silly or whatever, for any reaction at all.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Includes unseen footage:

    Good post, by the way, EC. And thank you as always to Justin for his invaluable insights

    Liked by 2 people

    • That sergeant categorically did not admit to being a criminal. That’s a blatant misquote and amounts to defamation. (Go to 15:25 to hear what is actually said)

      Liked by 3 people

    • I’m pretty sure Edward Ellis, Equity Lawyer is still outside Neelu’s former house informing a nearby lamp post they are in breach of Article 449b of Planet Bongo Wongo’s Mass Remedy for Protected Witnesses.

      Liked by 4 people

      • Absolutely haha…he’s probably still stuck there too because the lamp post has refused to step aside and let him pass. I love insects and I’m aware they’ll feel offended once I say “Edward Ellis, equity lawyer is a spineless slug-like invertebrate”

        Take heart dear creatures, your existence is much appreciated by me, the queen of hearts…but Mr. Ellis who bears the same classification as you (but not class) is of neither use nor ornament, he’s just a waste of space!

        Neelu is a pathological liar – she’s gotta be the reincarnation of Goebbels – right? Being a pathological liar is more indicative of a personality disorder as opposed a mental health issue is it not?

        I don’t believe she is unwell, disturbed? -yes!

        Liked by 2 people

        • She believes there’s a space ship in the cloud over her house. That sounds delusional to me. Delusional disorder?

          Liked by 2 people

          • @ The Grand Fubar, she has delusions of grandeur mayhaps? I think she wants to paint herself as someone extraordinary…as a hero – she takes the starring/leading lady role/heroine position…martyr role on so seriously and with such great commitment in all the videos of her escapades battling the forces of evil, the criminal organisation of the police, the judiciary, the government etc.

            I’ll never forget the bare-faced lie she told outside the hampstead church where people were gathering to enjoy the church service and she told a person interviewing her that she’d seen babies being wheeled in their prams in their droves into the church to be sacrificed…she made the lie up on the spot just because there was a camera focused on her….she’s an attention seeking pest of the Becky Percy ilk.

            She’s just a dirty rotten liar, who will lie to suit the occasion and to purposefully gain attention for herself.

            To say she is afflicted with a mental illness could be insulting to those with genuine issues because of course, her behaviour is atypical – in my experience.

            Liked by 2 people

      • Is that an admission by Neelu that she breached her covenant? “Equity Lawyer” is not a learned profession. In fact it isn’t any profession at all!

        14. No trade, manufacture or other business whatsoever shall be carried on or permitted or suffered to be carried on upon the land or any part thereof or in or upon any building thereon nor shall the land or any
        building thereon be used as or for a school hospital or public institution nor shall the land or any part thereof be used otherwise than for the purpose of private residences and the garden and appurtenances of private residences, but this shall not preclude the carrying on in any such private dwelling house of the practice of a
        doctor or dental surgeon or any other learned or artistic profession but no outward indication of such profession shall be permitted other than a brass plate measuring not more than 12 inches x 9 inches.

        Liked by 2 people

        • Apparently, prior to being struck off in 2013 Ellis had already been “suspended indefinitely from practice” in 2007. How does that work? Are they technically two different things?


          Click to access 9452-2006%20-%20Ellis.pdf


          By the way, I was quite taken aback by what it says about Ellis in the 2007 one:

          “The Tribunal found this a very sad case and a difficult one to conduct. The Tribunal viewed particularly seriously the Respondent’s inappropriate and offensive remarks to a number of persons, including members of the judiciary, which, the Tribunal believed, brought the profession into disrepute. It was apparent from what the Respondent had said to the Tribunal today that he holds to these views even now and is continuing to make wholly inappropriate and deeply offensive remarks to and about those involved in the legal system and judicial processes. The Tribunal can see no foundation for these remarks. In these circumstances the Tribunal has concluded that the only appropriate penalty must be suspension indefinitely from practice.”

          Liked by 3 people

    • Geat Moments of Understatement by A British Gentleman #99: “this is very inconvenient for Mrs Berry”. Edward Ellis, Equity Lawyer.

      Liked by 2 people

      • To paraphrase that nice Mr. Fawlty, “Can’t we get you on Mastermind, Edward? ‘Next contestant – Edward Ellis form Ilford. Specialist subject – the bleedin’ obvious’.”

        Liked by 2 people

        • I’m really curious about one aspect of Neelu’s eviction from her home – why were there sniffer dogs present?

          I don’t know if that’s normal practice for evictions, I’m inclined to doubt it is.

          Why were the dogs there, what was their job? The possible sniffing out of Drugs, Cadavers, Bomb making equipment?

          Is it possible that Neelu Berry is considered by the Police to be dangerous, a possible terrorist, involved in drug trafficking, suspected of far worse crimes even?

          Perhaps the heavy police presence was more about them taking the opportunity of the eviction to do a thorough search of her home without having to get a search warrant signed and sealed by a judge or magistrate.

          Liked by 1 person

  3. Jeez, how sick are the comments on here…?

    (Sorry, I can’t post the URL as it contains the names of the children.)

    Sample quotes (both from ArkhaldanSolo):

    “Mr. Dearman, using several aliases, is positioning himself to be able to get near as many children as possible.”

    “I’m not sure if [GIRL’S NAME REDACTED] wearing the loose fitting and bulky clothing is hiding a belly from depression or pregnancy.”

    And this one’s from ‘Anonymous’ (apparently anonymity is ok when it’s one of them):


    And this one is from someone who has recently opened an account on Facebook in his sick elderly mother’s name, with her photo as his profile pic, in order to carry on trolling while his two main accounts are suspended:

    “Ricky Dearman is using two fake names to see on facebook and ebay in contravention of of their terms and conditions.”

    So no hypocrisy there, then.

    Archived here:

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bit rich of Belinda to rant about this woman’s partner “schooling her children” to make false allegations against her. Pity she didn’t display such diligence in the Hampstead hoax.

      Liked by 3 people

      • Oh, it’s Andy Theodoru, she’s the one who accused her husband of using witchcraft to turn her children against her a few years ago. There was a post about her back in 2015 on here.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Omg, what a load of supposition from Belinda. She is trying to fill in blanks that she has no idea about.

    The letter she reads out does not sound like it is from a 13 year old a bit!

    Liked by 1 person

      • I thought the same thing. What 13 year old would refer to herself as being “trafficked” out of the country?

        Liked by 3 people

      • It certainly lives up to my “Bollox” classification where a reader’s 10 year old daughter emails into Radio 5’s Kermode & Mayo Friday film review and uses the work “Zeitgeist” in a sentence!

        Liked by 3 people

      • If that letter was written by a 13-year-old, then I’m a three-legged purple yak with pre-fitted GPS.

        Liked by 3 people

  5. Ooh, we’ve got a live one here. These comments were prompted by me pointing out that Edward Ellis isn’t a real lawyer and Happy Days mentioning Neelu’s court case. Oh and you’re gonna love how she gave her sock away…

    Liked by 2 people

  6. An interview with Jon Wedger where the topic of SRA is brought up at 13min 45sec and even Sabine gets a mention alongside the usual blood drinking crap.

    Liked by 2 people

    • You know something? The more I read through that, the more I think it has Abe written all over. We know there was a possibility of those two hooking up in Spain and this makes me even more suspicious. Weasel doesn’t write like that and he does have a tendency to regurgitate others’ work and pass it off as his own (e.g. Belinda’s posts about Sabine). And the content of that post above is very “Abe” in style and content, imo. Just a thought

      Liked by 1 person

    • She’s just accused RD of selling more than slime. She’s accusing him of selling child abuse videos using the slime business as a front. Nasty, vicious woman.

      Liked by 3 people

      • What evidence does she base her accusations on? She has an overactive imagination and is vile and vindictive with it.

        Liked by 2 people

        • She’s also saying Trump’s bodyguard who died of a stroke while in the UK, was actually assassinated by a direct energy weapon which was meant for Trump.. no evidence, of course.

          Liked by 2 people

          • If she’s saying a random event may reach out and affect an unsuspecting person which is all within the statistical mean for such occurrences, we should all be very afraid.

            Of course, in APD’s twisted mind I’ve just made a death threat!

            Liked by 1 person

  7. I think it is an interesting hypothesis to posit that Michelle Smith and Lawrence Pazder were sexually aroused by sharing fantasies and delusions of SRA. I can certainly understand why detectives whose work consists off investigating CSA would be drawn to such a hypothesis.

    While I think there is significant evidence to support such a hypothesis I am not convinced that it is proven.

    Certainly one validating piece of evidence, that demonstrates that at least one female psychotherapist was aroused by such fantasies is the confessional testimony of Vanessa Clark, the Christian psychotherapist who was jailed for sexually abusing vulnerable clients by regressing them to a childlike state of dependency and coercing them into sucking her breasts, ostensibly to obtain “mummy’s milk”.

    As I commented in an earlier post, Clark was described in a PDF file published by The Willows (the Christian organisation she worked with) as “a psychotherapist for twenty years in London and Oxfordshire” The PDF file advertised a workshop facilitated by Vanessa Clark and Mike Fisher, Director of The Willows and claimed that “Both work with survivors of sexual and ritual abuse and with those suffering from the effects of early life trauma and separation from their mothers.”


    according to the news report of her jailing in the Mail

    The court heard how the former cult leader – who had been recommended to her victims by fellow Christians – admitted carrying out the abuse to feed her ‘sadistic desires’.

    In a confession letter written to her female partner, Clark said: ‘I would breastfeed my clients and on one occasion took off my top and told her it was a special thing I would do only for her.

    ‘It was entirely deceptive and manipulative. I subjected her to my sadistic desires.’

    later on the Mail reports that

    “Clark’s offending came to light when her partner contacted one of the victims. She said she had become frightened of Clark’s conversational references to rape, murder and torture.

    Clark then wrote a letter to her partner admitting the abuse which was read out in court.

    The letter read: ‘I was grooming them to get power over them. I set out to get under their skin so they would become fixated on me.

    When [the victim] wanted to stop I insisted on going on. I gave no thought to her or her vulnerability. I subjected her to my sadistic desires. I exerted great will and domination over her’

    ‘It was entirely deceptive and manipulative. I made them envision extremely violent visualisations of torture.’

    ‘When [the victim] wanted to stop I insisted on going on. I gave no thought to her or her vulnerability. I exerted great will and domination over her.’

    more here:

    It seems to me that what is quite remarkable about the case of Vanessa Clark is that she openly and frankly confessed about her disgusting and cruel behaviour to another person. It must be noticed however that the person she confessed to was not the police or her own therapist or supervisor but a woman who was her lover at the time of her confession. I think it is most likely that Clark, like so many sadistic psychopaths, imagined that her lover, if exposed to such twisted narratives, would discover them arousing too.

    Thankfully Clark’s lover did not find the confessional letter to be arousing and was instead, understandably sickened and alarmed, a reaction that lead to the events that precipitated Clark’s convection and jailing.

    Also, given Clark’s confession that “I made them envision extremely violent visualisations of torture.” and
    “When [the victim] wanted to stop I insisted on going on. I gave no thought to her or her vulnerability. I exerted great will and domination over her.” I am reminded of her claims to be a psychotherapist who worked with “survivors of sexual and ritual abuse”. It seems extremely likely that narratives of sexual and ritual abuse may have originated in Clark’s twisted and perverted mind.

    So I was just reflecting upon the narratives of Michell Smith and of Vanessa Clark and wondering what they tell us about abuses within mental health settings and also about the human mind.

    However while Vanessa Clark undoubtably is a perverted and twisted individual I am not certain that we can make the same assumption about Michelle Smith.

    It seems to me that Smith was a vulnerable adult who was the victim of multiple boundary violations by Lawrence Pazder; professional, sexual and financial. It is not easy to ascertain the extent to which Smith’s narratives of SRA came from her own mind or were placed there by Pazder in the same way that Vanessa Clark insisted on imposing terrifying narratives of torture and abuse upon her own vulnerable clients.

    One issue I have been thinking about and am writing about is the issue of the extent to which SRA narratives may be something that is present universally in the human mind at a deeply unconscious level. If this is so then it is possible for such narratives to arise without erotic charge or sexual arousal.

    Just sharing some thoughts, connections and ideas

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you for your kind comment Arthur 🙂

      I am just so very pleased to have this wonderful blog to post on until I get my own one together, even then I will continue to post here, it really is a fantastic resource and something that I know must take a huge amount of work and commitment from EC and the various contributors.

      The subject matter here is very close to home to me, for reasons I cannot go into here without exposing my identity. Needless to say that sometimes this blog has definitely helped to keep me sane when it feels like all around me is madness.

      Liked by 2 people

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