Every now and then we are fortunate enough to discover a fine vellum envelope pushed under the office door at Hoaxtead Research HQ. The contents, always precisely penned in a flowing script, never fail to amaze and amuse.
Dear Frances Fans, This week, Frances interviewed a young man who thinks he is going to save the world from itself. He has many ideas which he thinks are clever, but in reality, do not hold up under close scrutiny.
It’s been a good long while since we heard from Frances Mulligan, our favourite leathery-skinned Hampstead-cave-dwelling commentator, whose incisive yet charming missives formerly graced these pages. So imagine our delight when we discovered not one, not two, but three letters from Frances in our mailbox yesterday.
It’s Hallowe’en, our friend Frances’ favourite time of year, so when she slipped this letter under our door and ran away giggling (hard to do when you’re a 7-foot tall lizard, by the way), we knew we had to publish it on her behalf. As always, read at your own risk.
Oh dear, Frances does wish these people would leave her alone. Ever since they discovered she had inspired Mr Mozart to compose his first hit, “Twinkle Twinkle”, the Hoaxteaders will not give her a moment’s peace.
Yes, Frances Fans, it’s that time again when Frances digs into her mail bag and retrieves yet another letter from one of her stalwart fans. This one is from someone who writes to her constantly. Frances has no idea where he finds the time – perhaps it is because there is little else to do…
And now for a special message from our favourite 7-foot tall tunnel-dwelling lizard, Miss Frances Mulligan: Dear Frances Followers, Lately, Frances has been reading a lot about people in need. They have, as young people say, “issues” that need “resolving”. By “resolving”, Frances assumes they mean they they want cold, hard cash to help them…