Frances takes a call…from Rupert

Every now and then we are fortunate enough to discover a fine vellum envelope pushed under the office door at Hoaxtead Research HQ. The contents, always precisely penned in a flowing script, never fail to amaze and amuse.

Look out, ol’ Frances is back!

It’s been a good long while since we heard from Frances Mulligan, our favourite leathery-skinned Hampstead-cave-dwelling commentator, whose incisive yet charming missives formerly graced these pages. So imagine our delight when we discovered not one, not two, but three letters from Frances in our mailbox yesterday.

Frances Files: A star is born?

Oh dear, Frances does wish these people would leave her alone.  Ever since they discovered she had inspired Mr Mozart to compose his first hit, “Twinkle Twinkle”, the Hoaxteaders will not give her a moment’s peace.

Frances Files: Help with the big words

Dear Frances Fans, Frances does love the crisp smell of Autumn in the air. Just thinking about curling up at night, scaly shoulders covered with a fluffy pink shawl,sipping heated martinis while gazing at the falling leaves from darkness of her Hampstead tunnel, makes her a very happy bunny. Er, lizard.

Frances’ Mail Bag: Alan Wrightson

Yes, Frances Fans, it’s that time again when Frances digs into her mail bag and retrieves yet another letter from one of her stalwart fans. This one is from someone who writes to her constantly.  Frances has no idea where he finds the time – perhaps it is because there is little else to do…

Frances overhears a strange conversation

Well, this is rather unusual Dear Frances Afficionados, Although a bank holiday, nothing was going to stop Frances’ recent parcel from being stuffed under the door of her cavernous tunnel this morning. Even though it was what young people call an audio tape from an old-fashioned recording machine circa 1978, it was still slim enough…

Fran Aid: Give early and give often

And now for a special message from our favourite 7-foot tall tunnel-dwelling lizard, Miss Frances Mulligan: Dear Frances Followers, Lately, Frances has been reading a lot about people in need.  They have, as young people say, “issues” that need “resolving”. By “resolving”, Frances assumes they mean they they want cold, hard cash to help them…

It’s Frances’ Mail Bag Time Again

Dear Frances Fans, It’s yet again time for Frances to open her mail bag, delve inside and choose one, totally at random, to read aloud to you, her fans, today. Here, as young people say, we go: Dear Frances, I’m tired.  Tired of playing the game.  I’m so tired. For quite some time NOW I…