The demented world of Anthony G. Pike

If you’re ever bored and looking for a hit of fruitloopery of the most deranged variety, there’s always the Rev Dr Anthony G. Pike’s Blog of Bizarreness.

There you will find the (literal) cave-dwelling knuckle-dragger dispensing nuggets of wit and wisdom to troofers who subscribe to his extensive email list, like some sort of delusional, homophobic, sexist agony aunt. Er, uncle.

Over the past few days, the Reverend Doctor (is he really either? we hae our doots) has been focusing on Ella’s recent polygraph video:

“World-renown polygraph expert”…yes, he really says that. And then he advises his readers to thwart Abe and Ella’s obvious money-making scheme by putting the video up on YouTube, in order to bypass Amazon’s annoying requests for “moolah”.

However, Deborah Mahmoudieh steps up to let Pike know that “Proceeds from the video are paying for legal fees to fight the case in court”.Debs doesn’t bother to explain how Ella plans to “fight the case in court”, given that the last time she tried that she was denied leave to appeal, so there is no case to fight. However, we know that reality is not Debs’ strong suit, so perhaps somewhere in the farthest reaches of her mind that makes sense.

Next up is our old friend the differently sane Penny Pullen, who appears to be having a worse day than usual.

She offers to send the judge in Pike’s upcoming court case (about which we’d like to know more, if anyone feels like doing a bit of digging) a “big heart blast” which “could help change his dark energy into light”, because she is just that powerful. We’re not sure where either Penny or Pike dredged up the story about RD’s religious views; perhaps Penny dowsed it?

However, Pike expresses some consternation regarding Jake Clarke’s upcoming court appearance this Friday, Sabine’s failure to get bail last week, and the reappearance of Arfur Kaoutal (who has already had at least three Facebook strikes since his return, bless him).

And finally, Pike breaks the bad news to Ella:

Too bad about the fundraising attempt, Ella owes it to the whole world, not just those who can afford Amazon Prime, to share the amazingness of her three-question monosyllabic polygraph test as widely as possible. We’re sure she and Abe will be delighted at this news.

And then, irony of ironies, Pike directs his readers to the copy of the video which we put up…and tries to claim that we are “getting frantic as more and more people are getting to know about the vid”. Sure, Tone, whatever you say.

He says we’re “trying to ridicule the whole thing as just a bogus money spinner for Ella & Abe”…which Deborah Mahmoudieh has stated quite clearly is, in fact, the case!

And then he follows up with some lovely death threats, which could at least partially explain why he’s no longer welcome in this country, and has been attempting to seek asylum in places like Ecuador once he’s deported from India, a fate which he appears to believe is inevitable:

Best of British luck on that one, Tony. And do let us know how that trial thingy comes out. We’re all ears!