Oh dearie, dearie, dear. We were so busy feasting and frolicking and opening gifts on Christmas Day that we somehow managed to miss the Message from the Queen.
No, no, not Her actual Majesty. We mean, of course, the Queen of Hoaxtead, Belinda McKenzie: It seems that Belinda is less than delighted with the way this year progressed: poor dear paedophile Brian Pead’s trial went tits up; Sabine’s arrest count continued to climb and she put Belinda to the trouble of raising bail security on her behalf; and then of course there was Rupert, though he doesn’t seem to warrant a mention in this year’s broadcast. Oh, and Maurice “The Menace” Kirk is in the slammer for the next two years…not to mention Belinda’s own arrest earlier in the year.
Come to think of it, we’re a bit shocked that she did not refer to 2017 as her annis horribilis.
A pity, really. Would have given her the chance to show off both her superior education and her posh accent. But never mind. Opportunities lost and all that.
We admit to being a bit offended at her constant references to “shadow people” in this year’s speech, as we strongly suspect she’s referring to us. It’s a bit rich, really, as we’ve met and even conversed with her on several occasions; but perhaps she thinks it best that her remaining loyalists not know that. [Oh dear, have we let the cat out of the bag?—Ed.]
Still, what are we, chopped liver? We’re hurt, Belinda. Very hurt.
In any case, if Belinda thinks 2017 was a barrel of laughs, wait till she sees 2018. Laissez les bons temps rouler!