If it’s November, it must be time for our annual barrage of semi-literate mouth-frothing death threats from our favourite professional anti-Semite—the walking, talking putz with the giant schnozz and ego to match, the one and only John Alexander Paterson.
Some readers might recall last year’s round of death threats from the Honker that Bored; this time round he’s claiming that he knows all our names, and we are really in big trouble now. Apparently he’s gone and told his mummy all about us, and she is very, very annoyed. Be afraid, fellow Hoaxtead Researchers: he knows where we live, he knows where we shop, he knows who constructed our website. (Erm, yes, that was Scarlet Scoop, not exactly a state secret, but let’s humour the little man.)
Oddly, Paterson said the same thing about this time last year…the only difference is that this year he’s daring us to use our credit cards, make phone calls, or ride a bus. We are terrified and trembling in our boots, as you might imagine. [Laying on the sarcasm a bit thick, no?—Ed.]
In case you doubt that he knows all our names, here is his current hit-list. Please try to control yourselves whilst reading this; we wouldn’t want to be responsible for any hilarity-induced injuries.
This means you, Tim McKenzie, Kevin Annett, Amy Warren, Maurice Dan West, S Gerbil, Angela Disney Power Puppet, and Sam the best. He is totally onto the lot of you. [Snort—Ed.]
What has roused Paterson to his current level of foot-stamping rage? Well, one factor could be that our own Sooper Seekrit Facebook Snitch™ has been even busier than usual of late, and has been thwarting Paterson’s hateful neo-Nazi ambitions at an even more impressive rate. We’ve actually lost count of the number of Paterson’s posts SSFS™ has had removed over the past few days, but apparently Paterson is taking it rather personally, as is his wont.
But SSFS™ isn’t the only burr under Paterson’s proverbial saddle; he’s also deeply and chronically unhappy with “Sam Best”, who he seems to believe is really named “Sam the best” (and really, who are we to argue?). Last year’s annual spate of death threats included this classic:
…while this year he’s a bit more succinct: And then there’s this collection…well, it’s really just a sampling, but it does give an idea of the Schnozzmeister’s prodigious output:
Just in case Paterson is concerned that no one has heard and absorbed his
laughable utterly terrifying threats, HR commenter The Mystery Hopper has put together a helpful video so that we can hear them straight from the turkey’s beak, so to speak:
Thanks, TMH, SSFS™, “Sam the best”, and everyone else who’s helped bring us this year’s bumper crop of Paterson prattishness. [Take it easy on the neologisms, son—Ed.]
And thanks, too, to the Jewish and Proud Society, who brought us today’s featured image. Cheers, JAP!