Vaguebooking: An intentionally vague Facebook status update, that prompts friends to ask what’s going on, or is possibly a cry for help. —Urban Dictionary
Most people who’ve used social media in the past few years will be familiar with the term “vaguebooking” (which may occur on sites like Twitter or Google+, but seems most prevalent on Facebook). It’s when your online friend makes some intentionally vague remark which seems designed to elicit sympathy or concern, without explaining the precise cause or nature of their apparent distress.
So we had to suppress a few smiles when we noticed Belinda practising her vaguebooking skills earlier this week:
Here’s what she said:
Haven’t been doing too well this month frankly, have been under attack FROM WITHIN! As has happened here and there in my life, resulting in momentary mayhem, until I come back to my senses and remember what is most important in life and what bothers me most, no prizes for guessing what that is!
And here’s our translation:
Feeling a bit crap this month frankly, as a bunch of bloody spoilsports have been getting up my nose about the Rupert verdict. One does one’s best for these people, but do they appreciate one’s efforts? Do they fuck! It’s all “Belinda, why couldn’t you wave your magic wand and make the cops release him?” “Belinda, why didn’t you spirit him out of the country?” “Belinda, we’re starting to wonder whether you’re working for the other side…” What do they want from me? Pack of bloody ingrates.
It’s been really pissing me off, until I come back to my senses and remember that my sitting in court during the trial, and sending him my patented “Belinda Death Stare” for four days straight, kept him from saying anything really incriminating about me or Sabine. So even if he’s cooling his heels at Her Majesty’s pleasure, Sabine and I are off the hook.
Unless she puts her bloody foot in it again. That woman can’t keep her gob shut to save her soul, honestly. Sometimes I wonder what I was thinking, joining up with her. Fucking whinger.
But I mustn’t think that way. Must stay positive. Chin up and all that.
Rupert is in the nick and I’m not. That’s what counts.
And the bonus track
Following a bunch of encouraging messages from various friends, we find a snippet of intriguing conversation between Belinda and someone named “Francine Stover”:
Francine Stover: But I hope you can get back in the swing of things I still would like to get my grandson if there was any way
Belinda McKenzie: Francine believe me we tried our best to get your grandson out of there and haven’t forgotten him, no way and will keep trying.
A bit of poking around shows that “Francine Stover” is an American living in Roanoke, Virginia.
At first, we admit, we wondered whether she might be related to Rupert, but a bit more poking around revealed that the Virginia connection was merely coincidental. (Note to selves: don’t jump to unwarranted conclusions!)
As it turned out, in 2012–13 Francine posted the following (accompanied by a picture of a young boy which we’ve cropped out):Is this Francine’s missing grandson? If so, it looks as though Belinda has got her hooks into yet another desperate person whose child was taken into care (in this case, presumably because the child’s mother was imprisoned at Holloway). In typical Belinda style, she offers a faint hope that the child will be “rescued”; we wonder how long it’ll be before Francine works out that she’s being played?
Meanwhile, we’re keeping an eye on Sabine and Belinda, both of whom have expressed concern that they might be looking at criminal charges within the next couple of months. Fingers crossed, everyone!