We were just sitting about Hoaxtead Research HQ the other night, fending off Randolph the 46-year-old cat (he drools) and swigging tea while attempting to flip pennies into a hat in the middle of EC’s desk, when one of our team members said, apropos nothing, “Hey, you know how the nutters are constantly going on about how the church was renovated in order to hide the ‘evidence’?”
“Well, I was just thinking…isn’t there a video where one of them goes into the church service and talks to someone about that?”
As it happens, Christine Ann Sands actually made a video of herself speaking to the church warden, immediately prior to the first Sunday morning demonstration. In the video, the warden explains in some detail exactly what they’re planning to do and why…before the renovations had actually begun.
After waving her camera about for a while (special focus given to the bell-ringers, who must have been looking especially Satanic that day), Christine remarks, “It reminds me of Noah’s ark or somethin'”. She is joined by the warden, who patiently explains that yes, the church’s ceiling is made of wood, much like the ark.
Then he explains that the floors are about to be replaced, and tells her exactly why:
Warden: There’s a project under way to redo the floor as well.
Christine: They’re gonna do it dark wood like the ceiling?
PG: No, the floor will be—underneath it is a very badly damaged old tile floor, and this was put down in the 1960s, to disguise it. But this has deteriorated badly. You can see, where you’re sitting, there’s [inaudible] wider boards….they’re for holding things up….
Christine: How old is the church?
Warden: Oh, 1852, I think…
Well really. Why on earth might a 143-year-old church require any sort of renovation or refurbishment? Sounds fishy to us.
Speaking of fishy, we noted that Christine zoomed her camera in on a very suspicious-looking bit of ornamentation at the end of a pew: Well lookee there, Mabel, ain’t that one o’ them thar Jew-stars? What’s that doin’ in a Catholic church? Pretty durn Satanic if ya ask me!
Erm…Christ Church isn’t Catholic.
And as a matter of fact, the star or shield of David has been used in Christian churches for centuries, and predated its adoption as a symbol of Judaism by at least a couple of hundred years. But hey, why let facts stand in the way of lunacy?
It reminds us of the video where she zoomed in on the illustrations of “weird animals” in a book she noticed…apparently she’d never heard of the apocrypha, but oh well. Did it occur to her to ask anyone what the pictures represented? Nope.
Oddly, Christine posted this video, recorded in 2015, about six months ago. In it, she demonstrates that she actually attended the service that morning, sitting amongst the parishioners and recording the completely innocuous service.
Despite the thumping noises coming from the demonstrators outside, the vicar, congregation, and choir attempted to carry on as usual. Christine can be heard saying the Lord’s Prayer along with the people she will later accuse of “fucking babies”.
We find it stunning that anyone could attend a perfectly normal Sunday service, pray with the congregation, and observe absolutely no strange goings-on, then turn around and accuse them of the most horrendous crimes.
Then again, this sort of behaviour is consistent amongst the Hoaxtead mobsters, who appear completely unburdened with intellect, and unbelievably ignorant of the basics of any religion other than their own bizarre brand of evangelical fundamentalism. Rather than attempting to delve deeper and explore the meaning of the things they see, they cram it into their own narrow framework, label it “probably Satanic and therefore evil”, and call it a day.
When you think about it, they’re really the ones who live in a hell of their own devising.