What if Belinda held a political party and nobody came?

We’d been curious about Belinda’s sudden chattiness on Facebook lately, but it seems we might have discovered the reason for it. It seems that she has decided to give up on running private businesses disguised as charitable foundations, and has decided to turn her hand to…you guessed it, a political party!

And no, she’s not planning to call it the Great Big Flaming Loony Party; in fact, the name she has chosen is so banal it’s hard to imagine anything less imaginative. She’s calling it…(drum roll please)…”The Children’s Party”.

Yep.

Here she is, introducing it to her friends on Facebook: A “non-political” political party? Is that anything like a “non-charitable” charity? We paused briefly to wonder how a hypothetical “non-political” candidate might fare in the decidedly political atmosphere of the House of Commons, but as with many of Belinda’s ventures, thinking about it too hard can cause severe vertigo, so we gave up and went to look at the new TCP website instead.

We almost instantly regretted that decision. Here’s what we found on the opening page:

Yes, that’s correct. A lineup of brightly coloured pawns wearing wigs and looking as though they were in various stages of seasickness and/or drunkenness. At least one of them needed serious dental work, possibly as a result of a recent fist-fight. How very apropos, we thought, flipping as quickly as possible to the next image…

Thank you for visiting The Children’s Party website.

We plan to be busy over the coming days, weeks, months and years.

By being ‘apolitical’ and welcoming members from all walks of life and political belief we intend to create a broad movement representing the people of the United Kingdom who support the rule of law and want to put children at the top of the agenda.

The Children’s Party is the party of future.

More and more of us have rejected the outmoded systems and corrupt way of thinking that perpetuates modern slavery.

We hope you will decide to join us.

This opening statement starts off all “Mom and apple pie” as they say across the pond; bland to the point of nodding off…until the part about the “corrupt way of thinking that perpetuates modern slavery”. Beg pardon? How did that get in there? To us, it reads like one of those “dog-whistle” catch-phrases that certain politicians use to rally the troops: meaningless to the casual reader, but designed to prod the fruit-loop brigade to instant attention.

Onward to the “About” page:

The idea of building a nationwide “non-political” Party to represent the children’s interests and help protect them properly at long last seems to be catching on. ‘Nothing is more powerful than an idea whose time has come’.

We straightaway agreed we’re not going to be any kind of “leaders” nor will there be any hierarchy in this new organisation; we’ll be the initial coordinators, that’s all. The main work of growing the Party will be done by all of us/you and the legions out there who are going to join us. As they will, we have no doubt about this whatsoever; once they know TCP is here. We will become a new national FAMILY, devoted to ALL children, irrespective of race, country of origin, religion, social class, etc. And since the Party is non-political, CHILDREN themselves can and will become members, alongside their mums, dads or other family members and help look after their younger ‘siblings’.

We briefly considered initiating a drinking game in which one must take a swig of gin and tonic every time the word “non-political” comes up, but abandoned it when we realised that one of us would have to write today’s blog post. [Not me! hic! —Ed.]

On a more sober note, the thought of Belinda recruiting children to join her new political party is a bit unnerving, particularly given the fact that she regularly associates with convicted paedophiles and in fact is currently hosting one in her home.

The Children’s Party Manifesto

Under the “Publicity” tab on the website, we discovered this fascinating document, which appears to be a sort of manifesto. Again, watch for “dog-whistle” words and phrases (not to mention batshit-crazy assertions with no basis in fact):The opening statement is certainly a jaw-dropper: “The human race is the only species on the planet which omits to protect its young as an absolute priority”. Seriously? Which planet does Belinda live on?

We were also fascinated by her assertion that “10,000 infants a year” were sacrificed to Baal in Babylon’s heyday. Considering that Babylon’s population peaked at just over 200,000 people, 10,000 infants seems a rather hefty proportion.

Belinda also drags out the old, disproven trope that “all over the world, babies and children continue to disappear daily on an industrial scale”. And yet no one notices? Ah, here’s where we get down to the meat of the plan: we see the usual promises that while The Children’s Party is currently an “unincorporated Association”, Belinda will one day get round to making it a legitimate Community Interest Company. And on that day, we are certain, pigs will fly.

And the final paragraph is perhaps the most revealing: with its emphasis on the “worst excesses of the state” and its policy of removing children into care and/or putting them up for adoption, it becomes very clear that Belinda is blowing that dog-whistle loud and long, in the expectation that all who feel wronged by the current child welfare system will come a-running.

A few things of note

As one would expect in any enterprise with Belinda’s fingerprints on it, the new website contains plenty of opportunities for people to donate. While it offers “membership by annual subscription” of as little as £5, members are invited to chip in as much as they can. And there’s a disclaimer that “larger donations to fund particular projects and fuel TCP’s ever-widening outreach” will eventually be needed. Sounds like a classic bait-and-switch to us.

The other thing we noticed is the complete absence of Belinda’s name on the new site. Only those who found it via her Facebook page would ever know that she was involved in any way. We cannot think why this would be; surely someone with Belinda’s stellar reputation in the field of child protection would want to ensure that her name was prominently featured, to foster trust and draw in new members. (Oi! You in back! Stop smirking!)

The only trace of Belinda’s presence on the site is an oblique reference to a meeting which was to have been held in May:Can you see it? “London N6 5QU”.

Google it: you’ll find that it takes you straight to Priory Gardens and Belinda’s Highgate Bunker. Clever, no?

We’re fascinated with this new direction Belinda seems to be taking. It certainly seems as though founding a political part, even an allegedly “non-political” one peopled by those who feel the current system has failed them and their children, is an interesting next step for a woman determined to imprint her strange views upon the British landscape. Oh, and make a few quid in the process. Purely by happy coincidence, of course.