Alex Jones: Between a rock and a hard place

For the vast majority of the normal people, one of the great mysteries of all time is this: do conspirasheep really, honestly believe the bilge they spew forth? It’s an honest question, as most of us just cannot fathom why someone would decide that the Illuminati/elites/lizard people are trying to kill us all off and/or control our minds via bizarre sex rituals performed with children and babies. In the real world, this kind of thing just doesn’t make sense, and most of us would like to believe that the conspiranoids are just play-acting in a fantasy world of their own concoction.

Or are they?

The current custody battle between U.S. Conspiraloon-in-Chief Alex Jones and his ex-wife, Kelly, has thrown this question into the public sphere.

Last week, Mr Jones’ lawyer, Randall Wilhite, told a court in Austin, TX, that Mr Jones is simply “playing a character” when he goes on air and tells his followers that the mass murder of schoolchildren at Sandy Hook was “faked with actors”, or that the government is putting chemicals into the water to “turn people gay”.

“He is a performance artist”, Mr Wilhite stated. He claimed that evaluating Mr Jones according to his on-air comments is like judging Jack Nicholson based on his role as the Joker in Batman.

This is not what Mr Jones’ ex-wife says, however:

Kelly Jones finalized the divorce in 2015 and the two have been fighting over custody of their 14-year-old son and 9- and 12-year-old daughters since then.

“He’s not a stable person. He says he wants to break Alec Baldwin’s neck. He wants J Lo to get raped,” she said in court, according to the American-Statesman.

“He broadcasts from home. The children are there, watching him broadcast.”

Now there’s a happy thought.

Between a rock and a hard place

Mr Jones, meanwhile, is in a very tricky position.

According to an article last week in the Washington Post,

The veracity of [his] persona is essential to Jones’s empire. It helped him make millions and led to a loyal following — and the ear of President Trump.

According to a Forbes piece in 2013, Jones’s syndicated radio show, YouTube channel and documentaries netted revenue of about $1.5 million per year in 2010 “enough to support a staff of 15 and enable him to buy an $800,000 house and 7,600 square foot studio.”

If he admits to his legions of followers—estimated at about 70 million people per week—that he’s been feeding them fraud after fraud for ratings, he will lose his crown as King of the Conspiraloons, and the not inconsiderable income and lifestyle that has afforded him. (Read ’em and weep, Angela!)

If he claims that he actually believes what he shrieks on-air, the court may very well find him too unstable to assume custody of his three children, ages 9, 12, and 14.

Currently, Mr Jones is trying to hold the middle ground: he testified Wednesday that he is sincere in what he says, but that he often uses “satire and comedy” on his shows.

Hmm. Somehow the “comedy” escapes us. Rather, it sounds like Mr Jones is doing the old Troofer Shuffle—trying to appease the millions of fans he’s led down the garden path, whilst also trying to appear sane and normal to a judge who has the power to ensure he cannot pass along his toxic views to his children.

Won’t someone think of his children?

Meanwhile, as troofers worldwide debate the sincerity of his epic on-air rants, Mr Jones has issued the following statement:

My statement regarding the media and my ongoing custody trial:

Above all, this is a private matter. This is about my family and only my family. I have endeavored very faithfully for three years to keep this circumstance confidential for the sake of my children to protect their innocence.

I urge the press to be respectful and responsible and to show due deference to the process of the law and respect the boundaries defined for this case so that a fair result can be found.

As there is a gag/protective order on the trial for the safety, welfare, and preservation of our children’s private rights and what is in their best interest, I am holding my responses until the end of trial.

—Alex Jones

Yes, we’re serious. He actually said this.

This is the man who has insisted, and convinced many, many people, that the Sandy Hook massacre was a hoax, that the children who were murdered did not actually die, but were portrayed by child actors:

If Mr Jones wants to talk about respecting the privacy and sanctity of the family, and protecting the privacy and innocence of children, perhaps he’d like to start by standing face-to-face with the families of the Sandy Hook victims and apologising to them. While he’s there, he might also like to explain to them how he uses “satire and comedy” in his shows. We’re sure the parents of those dead children will be delighted to hear it.