We have been reliably informed by…well, all right, by Angela Power-Disney if you must know, that Angela absolutely, positively had nothing to do with the untimely death of Aaron Dover, which we announced earlier this week.
Angela has posted the following notice on her Facebook page, and we have no reason to disbelieve her:
Granted, Angela did receive a number of death threats from Mr Dover, some of which were (inexplicably) directed to her via this blog:
However, what are a few death threats between Hoaxtead mobsters? Surely they’re no reason for Angela to send one of her infamous gangsters from the “Phillipines” to deal with Mr Dover. Of course, she did threaten to send those same gangsters after RD, but really, we must learn to let bygones be bygones. We can’t live in the past. We’re sure Angela’s a much better person than that now, and would never consider doing such a thing. Any more.
So really, we don’t know what could have prompted such an extraordinary denial from Angela, unless it was this video from McKenzies Devils, which we must confess points out some interesting coincidences:
Sure, a few people have mysteriously dropped dead shortly after speaking with Angela, but keep in mind that to the logical person, correlation is not causality. No, seriously.
The fact that Tory Smith, Patrick Cullinane, and Max Spiers all popped their clogs within days of being interviewed by (or just chatting with) Angie simply means that…well, we don’t know what it means exactly, but we’re 100% sure Angela had nothing to do with their untimely deaths. Nor with Aaron’s. Obviously.
In the Non-Fatal Incidents Department, Angela has been associated with at least two involuntary hospitalisations—Jake C and Arthur Kouatal—though again, we have no evidence to suggest that she directed anyone to section them.
Then there are the arrests of Angie’s friends: John Duane, Angela’s American ex-friend, Sabine McNeill (what’s she up to now, nine arrests? We’ve lost count), Neelu Berry (again, too many times to count), Lee Cant, and of course the Big Kahuna Herself, Belinda McKenzie. All walking around free before they met Angela; now much better acquainted with the police than they might prefer to be.
Again: pure coincidence.
Never mind what they say about you, Angela—we believe your protestations of innocence. After all, why wouldn’t we?