Angie & Heifer disappoint with latest video

Well, that was a bit of a let-down. After yesterday’s crackerjack Angie & Heifer Show, in which they took turns slagging pretty well everyone they knew, we were all geared up for another hour of rollicking entertainment. What we got was Angela reading from her Facebook Messenger, and trying to claim that the people who research and/or write Hoaxtead Research had been sending her disgusting and/or threatening messages. This was definitely a re-run: we are quite certain she hauled out the same messages a month or so ago, and they weren’t particularly interesting then, either.

There were a few good moments at the start: Angela stating, with a completely straight face, “I’m always willing to be wrong. And I do err on the side of thinking the best of people”. Had us rolling in the aisles, that one did! Brilliant deadpan comedy—well done!

Another favourite: “They sort of do this mirror thing…they try and assign a body count to me, that people that come on my show end up murdered, like Patrick Cullinane; or sectioned, like Jake and Arthur; or arrested, like Rupert and Sabine and Neelu and Lee”. By the time she’d reached “Sabine and Neelu and Lee” we were giggling so hard we frightened the office cat, who had to be coaxed out from under the desk with a bit of tuna.

There were the usual paranoid mini-rants: if your computer acts up, it has obviously been compromised by GCHQ (hint: pretty sure GCHQ has no interest in either Angie or Heifer); if you so much as look in the direction of Hoaxtead Research we will instantly know your IP address, your phone number, and your shoe size; technology is so advanced that there really is no privacy, and your microwave is probably snapping your photograph while you’re not looking (pace Kellyanne Conway).

And we must admit to a grudging respect for Heifer, who stood her ground and insisted (correctly) that Julian Vayne and James Hind are two different people; Angie seemed doubtful, but cheered up a bit when she realised that if she swung round to Heifer’s point of view, she could accuse Kristie Sue Costa of being not only a shit researcher (true) but also an agent (hahahahahaha! No. You have to pass IQ tests to be an agent…or so we hear).

Another highlight was Angela trying to claim that someone from HR had set up a fake Facebook profile in the name of Neelu Berry’s niece, who tragically died of a congenital disorder (no, Angie, she was not ritually slaughtered by Satanists, you dimwit). Interestingly, she claimed that she’d received a truly awful message from this person within the last month, but we distinctly recall her claiming to have received that message in August last year. In fact, we actually wrote a post about it at the time: Funny that Angie would claim to have received the message from the horrible fake account, and would then claim that she didn’t write the last sentence in her own Facebook post, in which she misspelled “Philippines”. Oh, wait, must have been those pesky computer termites from GCHQ again. You know what they’re like, constantly hacking into people’s Facebook accounts to leave mysterious messages, which just so happen to echo rumours which you yourself have made up and spread. Cheeky bastards.

It does seem likely that both those messages were authored by the same person, as they repeat the same spelling and punctuation errors; as to whether they were both written by Angela, we really cannot say.

Funny, though, that she would dredge this one up again months later, trying to claim that she couldn’t possibly have written the second message, since it’s not in her usual writing style. We don’t know; it sounds pretty Angie-esque to us. And frankly, since Angela and Sabine first discussed this strange rumour months before we wrote the above post, we cannot think what Angela is trying to prove by claiming she didn’t write it. Maybe it was one or more of her “alters”?

In any case: if you haven’t yet wasted an hour and a quarter on Angie and Heifer’s latest, we would suggest that you not bother. They really don’t live up to the promise of their last effort. Our critics give this one two thumbs down. Allegedly and without prejudice, it goes without saying.