In the beginning was the Hoax, and the Hoax was with Ella and Abraham and Sabine and Belinda and Angela and Charlotte, and Ella and Abraham and Sabine and Belinda and Angela and Charlotte were the Hoax. And then things started to go to pot.
First, Ella and Abraham denounced Sabine for sharing their very own proprietary videos of RD’s children without their permission. And then they denounced Belinda, for being on the right hand side of Sabine.
But that was all right, because they still had Charlotte, who would say what they wished her to…until she shared the Jean-Clement video out of turn, and then her name was shit too. But that was all right, because Charlotte still loved Belinda, her former landlady, and tolerated Sabine, even though she smelt of mothballs and sour milk. And they all pretended to still love Abe and Ella even though Abe and Ella were denouncing people left, right, and centre.
And then Angela denounced Abe, just a little bit at first but then quite a lot, and eventually Ella too, just a little at first and then quite a lot. But that was all right, because Angela still loved Belinda and Sabine, or at least tolerated them, and spoke to Sabine on Skype so the moth ball thing wasn’t such a big deal.
And then Charlotte started to lose her grip on her blog and everyone started denouncing her, because she started befriending total whack-jobs that no one could stand, like D@vid Sh@uter and Fiona Barnett, and that’s when Kristie Sue, sensing a power vacuum, began her rise to the top of the slag heap, pulling after her her deputy, Sonja Van Gelder (who also hated Angela). And Kristie Sue and Sonya (wearing a Sophia Green mask) denounced Angela, but that was all right, because people were getting sick of her flouncing around pretending to be a Monarch, complete with fake Princess Diana engagement ring.
And now, who’s left?
Kristie Sue has taken the helm, and has been steering the hoax back to its fundamentalist roots. Ella and Abe are modern-day heroes who didn’t beat those children into reciting all that bilge about importing babies via TNT and DHL and little boys being able to ejaculate half-a-quart of semen at a time and little girls miraculously managing to retain intact hymens despite being raped with dildos by dozens of adults per week. The cut and bruises on the little girl’s face must have happened because she walked into a door. A few times. Hard.
In her most recent post on her Believe the Children Facebook page, Kristie Sue and Sonya tear a strip off Angela, just in case she had any ideas about re-taking control of the hoax:
And Angela snaps back:
What’s that old saying about a house divided?
And to mix metaphors with wild abandon, this is feeling more and more like the last days of Rome to us. Anyone want to take bets on how long before Kristie Sue and Sonja start having doubts about one another?
p.s. BTW, Kristie Sue, “Stuck in the Middle with You”, from whence you borrowed for the title of your latest rant, was not written by Bob Dylan. It was written by Gerry Rafferty and Joe Egan, and their band Stealer’s Wheel performed it. Which you could have learned with a simple Google search. You’re welcome.