Oh, how we do love our blog’s email inbox! Most days we receive some titbits of interest, some of which we report on immediately; others we put aside for further investigation. But yesterday’s prize entry caused such an eruption of hilarity amongst our team members, we felt our readers would want to see it right away.
You might recollect that a few days back, Sabine announced to her few remaining faithful that she would be launching her “Year of Breakthroughs” this month.
Sadly, it appears that Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will not be joining her in this endeavour:
Pity poor Miss Jennie Vine: can you imagine being the person unfortunate enough to have to respond to even one of Sabine’s interminable self-pitying missives, let alone several of them?
I have been asked to write (because if it were up to me I’d be out getting my nails done) in response to your letter of 22nd November from which the views you express (and express, and express) have once again been noted (yes, we read the bloody thing…again. Because that is our job. Not because we think anything you write is actually worth reading).
I am afraid I can only reiterate (since you apparently failed to hear me the first several times) that as a constitutional The Queen acts on the advice of her Ministers (and not loonies like you, thankyouverymuch) and remains strictly non-political (and non-insane) at all times. These are therefore not matters in which Her Majesty would intervene (and if she did, it would be to request that you be imprisoned for an indefinite period of time, just for being so bloody annoying).
As there is unfortunately (yes, they make me say that) nothing further I can add (other than “please piss off at your earliest convenience”), I trust this now brings our correspondence on political matters (or whatever in hell that load of bollocks was meant to be) to a (fervently desired and much awaited) close.
Yours sincerely (not really), etc. etc.
Quite apart from her pestering poor Miss Vine, we are left a bit puzzled: isn’t Sabine of the opinion that Her Majesty is the Supreme Ruler of the Illuminati? And as such, would that not make her, ahem, one of the “cult”? What in the world would possess Sabine to write to the Queen, of all people?
So, should the person who sent us this lovely little morsel happen to know where we might find the original correspondence from Sabine to The Queen, we would be most grateful for any further information.
For completely professional purposes, you understand.