Rupert: Beware Belinda bearing gifts

It’s been a while since we checked up on Rupert, the hot-headed American who was going to come to Hampstead, kick down doors, and start knocking heads together and taking names. Until he got arrested in mid-September, that is…at which point he suddenly changed his tune.

Since then he’s been languishing at his friend’s house (yes, the one with the wallpaper), making the odd video and even starting a WordPress blog of his very own. Well, we suppose he has to do something to fill his days.

To be fair, he seems to be doing his best to comply with his bail conditions, which is more than we can say for some people (coughneelucough), and as Christmas approaches, we’re sure he’d far rather be home with his family in Culpepper, VA, than stuck in southeast London waiting for his day in court.

We notice that his friends haven’t completely forgotten him, though: Belinda, for instance, dropped another chunk of change into Rupert’s GoFundMe cap just last week:

This comes a few weeks after her last donation…

…and the one before that:

…and so on. Word has it that she also gave him a laptop to replace the one that was seized by the police back in September (along with his hard drive, his camera, even (sob!) his iPod!). Wasn’t that nice of her?

And such an encouraging comment: “Home by Christmas hopefully. Time for a joint sally to meet the police?”

On the surface of it, she sounds very supportive. But we’d suggest that Rupert exercise extreme caution, especially if Belinda is offering her special brand of “court support”.

Ah, but such a sweet, caring, giving lady, that Belinda—we’re sure her offer comes from the best of motives. And we’re quite certain that she doesn’t want a single thing in exchange for her largesse. She’s a latter-day Lady Bountiful, dispensing care and home-spun wisdom from a bottomless basket of kindness.

We’re sure she isn’t just keeping a beady eye on Rupert and tossing him scraps now and then to ensure that he won’t grass her and her fellow Hoaxtead mobsters up. That would be so unlike her.

A message for Rupert

Rupert, we know you have a great deal of time on your hands these days, and if by chance you should happen upon this post (out of boredom, you understand, not because you came to the conclusion that the people who’d dragged you over to London were in fact a bunch of trauma vampires who get off on talking about child sexual abuse and cannibalism), we offer you a friendly heads-up: people who accept money and favours from Belinda almost invariably wind up paying for it, one way or another.

If you doubt us, ask Robert Green. Or take a hard look at Sabine…or Neelu. Ask Charlotte Alton Ward why she dare not come back to the UK. All of them have been, at one time or another, on Belinda’s payroll.

Belinda, you see, never gets her hands dirty. She’s far too smart for that. She lets others do the rough work, while she stands back and offers moral support and sandwiches. Before you accept anything from her, we recommend checking carefully to determine what the quid pro quo will be.

And if you choose not to do so, don’t say we didn’t warn you.