Our New Year’s resolutions

The fireworks are over, the last champagne has been sipped, and in the cold light of New Year’s morning, we’re sitting here thinking about what this new year will bring.

We’ve now had almost a year of battling the forces of f*ckwittery, and we like to think we’ve learned a thing or two. But of course, there’s always room for improvement.

With that in mind, we’re drafting some New Year’s resolutions to help guide us through the next months as we work to wash the Hampstead hoax down the drain and into the obscurity it so richly deserves.

Please feel free to make suggestions! All welcome.

In 2016 we at Hoaxtead Research will…

…Pay off that pesky £8 trillion lien. And while we’re at it, we’ll stop dishonouring, discombobulating, and dismembering Neelu.

…Cut down on the McBabyburgers. We know they’re the other other white meat, but really. They cannot be good for us in these quantities. Think of the adrenochrome!

…In the same vein (snicker) we’re planning to cut down on drinking menstrual blood and/or urine, our own or others’. It is entirely possible, we’ve found, to have too much of a good thing.

…Be kinder to Lord Ashtray and Roger the 8-foot butterfly. Though we’re still really confused about how he managed to get into Barry’s bedroom. Still, that’s really between Roger and Barry, we think.

…Stop mentioning, discussing, mocking, debating, or otherwise writing about David S******. It only encourages him. Besides, he’s so last year.

…Send a nice thank-you note to Ed Opperman, whose epic 3-hour interview of Abe and Ella provided us with so much fodder. Who knew he’d wind up blowing the lid off the Hoaxtead hawkers? Not us, that’s for sure! 😉

While we’re at it, here are a few suggestions for our friends:

Neelu: “I will keep my Oyster card up to date. And tell my son to stop speeding“.

Angie: “I will cut down to 60 ciggies a day, and stop screaming empty threats at people who disagree with me”.

Sabine: “I will use my celebrated maths skills to work out the length of my jail sentence”.

Belinda: “I will stop ignoring the elephant in the room. Oh, and my mentally ill daughter, What’s-her-name”.

Charlotte: “I will stop hitting on younger men. And take some much-needed singing lessons. Perhaps I’ll invite Araya, Neelu, and Dawn Moses to join me”.

Christine: “I will take PC Fraser’s sage advice and calm the f*ck down”.

Guidance 2222: “I will change my footwear more frequently. And learn to speak English”.

Margaret Sneddon: “I will give up drinking on Sundays. And stop going bankrupt every other bloody year”.

Araya Soma: “I will give up having periods. I’m sure Hitler disapproves of them”.

Alan Wrightson: “I will take an anger management course, and stop writing insanely verbose and abusive bulk emails to strangers“.

Bronwyn Llewellyn: “I will stop pretending I know the first thing about writing, until I’ve cleaned up my own blog. Oh, and I’ll give up my AK47 collection. And stop falling off walls”.

Kevin Weaver: “I will  try to breathe in once in a while. And stop wearing that stupid made-in-China Guy Fawkes mask. I realise now that it makes me look even more prattish than I am. Innit?”

Deborah Mahmoudieh: “I will stop getting baked and making videos. And I’ll cut down to just 20 shouts per day, in the privacy of my own bathroom”.

Chris Everard: “I will stock up regularly on throat sweets”. (Also applies to Tom Cahill.)

Abe: “I will complete my mind control course at Tavistock”.

Ella: “I will find a new f*cking boyfriend”.


28 thoughts on “Our New Year’s resolutions

  1. New Years Resolution for the police:

    Investigate malicious claims more thoroughly while the perpetrators are still in the country. Leak the contents of Abe’s phone pleeeze. Just a short description will do-hoo.

    Liked by 2 people

      • Definitely something to consider here; Could Ella and Abe not be investigated properly with a view to their having made malicious allegations with the intention to pervert the course of justice? Because the premeditation might be able to be substantiated if the police can put together phone and computer records with the JC statement – the judgement did make it sound possible that Abrella may have plotted the whole thing. The police need to re-examine what JC told them and precisely what the court transcripts say. If preparation, premeditation, can be shown by such evidence then justice can still be done in this case. Perhaps the police did not really consider this possibility properly at the right time – it is not too late. No wonder Abrella are on the run. Would perversion of the course of justice warrant extradition, I wonder.

        Liked by 2 people

  2. Brilliant writing, EC. So good I can hardly add to it.

    From Tap blog, Sabine’s unbelievable writing: She complains (breaking her bail conditions – but not on her own pages

    My harassment online, by brick, verbal assault and now on my Facebook page

    o I attach the comment made on one of my blogs which appeared also on FB – from Wesley’s café in Central Hall ! (NOT ATTACHED)

    o Is it true that this is a criminal offence?


    Btw – the brick Sabine refers to: Was it simply a brick found by her, and perhaps put next to her front door? It just sounds so…not like a brick that damaged anything. Maybe Sabine could not be arsed with fixing a broken window,so just laid the damn thing next to the door, sounds good too. As for the harassment on Facebook page, what does Sabine think she has been doing with her online campaign, would it not be 1000x what she is moaning about?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I resolve to put my indifferences aside and accept that this world is flat, the Moon is a disc and crystal magic cures every ailment including hopefully my fungal big toe.

    I will drink a Hemp Smoothie a day which keeps The Shrink Away and begin my new career as a Water Diviner. I will reject my fraudulent birth certificate and work on getting my $Billions held in my name by the Royal Windsor Family Satanist Cult of Rothschilds.

    I will begin placing crystals at the corners of every Court House beginning with the frigging local one that fined me $200 for a so-called parking infringement but won’t remove my license plates, a cult invention to restrict my Free Travel as it will just identify me to the New World Order Cultist Cops.

    I will begin reading Mein Kampf even though my Polish grandfather said it was written by a bonkers madman and accept Grandpa was probably a cult member

    signed : Me from the Family of Sam.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Forgotten resolution : I will always wear Grandpa’s WW2 gas mask now in public as the Chem Trails are really giving me a headache ever since I celebrated the Cult New Year.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Happy New Year to you from a (illuminated) ski slope somewhere in Bradford MA.
    All good work has magic in it, and addresses the mind in a subtle way.
    Keep up the good work.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I admit I’m surprised to see you here, Selina–glad to see that you decided to take down the Trollstead site, though I realise that’s old news now. Thanks for the kind words.

      Liked by 1 person

      • “Some Luciferians have powers like mind reading…this topic is so esoteric that I have had to include information that is, technically, incorrect…”

        “…I had powers that would astonish you. I was a beautiful person. I could see into people’s minds. (You only gain that one if you are so so very loving and non-judgemental you will not judge what you see.)…”

        “…I never had to use money because everything I needed came to me – I never had to pay a gas bill (not because I was spongeing off someone else or committing any crime but because the gas came to me free in the most magical way)…”

        Oh Christ, am I gonna make it to the end here?

        *Takes sip of Red Bull*

        Must keep going. Must keep going…

        Liked by 1 person

      • “…I rarely talk about my experiences because if you knew what they were they would blow you away. I have worked with some of the most highly evolved spiritual beings on this planet. Some of them are not human…I have witnessed heavenly miracles and beauty that would blow your minds. I have been in celestial spaces that are so holy and beautiful that some people have given their lives to enter them…David is a shaman…True shamen are born. They experience a ‘shamanic initiation’…involving dreams of dismemberment etc. After it they acquire shamanic power…David is real. I know this because I used to be on the board of the Spiritual Crisis Network…

        Struggling now.

        Breathe, CP. Breathe…


      • …”I gave most of my money away to poor people. I am not remotely beautiful but people would come up to me in the street and say, ‘You know – you are so so beautiful’. I was one of the ‘radiant ones’…”

        OK, that’s it. Bollocks to stamina. Pull me out now!

        Liked by 1 person

  6. “People who were sick or depressed used to come to my flat and go away feeling better. “. I bet they did after meeting her they would leaving think .”Christ, I thought I had it bad…”

    “because the gas came to me free in the most magical way”…it’s those fizzy drinks dear but you can get charcoal pills over the counter that are excellent for wind.

    Liked by 1 person

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