All the fun and frolic on Abe’s (and possibly Ella’s, though there’s been no sign of life from her) new-ish blog gave us an idea: it seems that many people have many questions they’d like Abe to answer.
Of course, given his slithery propensities, it’s unlikely he’ll ever give anyone a straight answer, other than “SHOW US YOUR TATTOOS!!” or “HEMP CURES HOUSEMAID’S KNEE AND HERPES!!!1!” or “MASONIC AND/OR SATANIC SODOMITE DEATH CULTS!1!!!”
But still, we can dream.
Here’s a preliminary list of Questions We’d Like Abe to Answer. We’re sure you can think of many more!
- Is everyone you don’t like a sodomite?
- What is a fire-eating freemason sodomite death cult?
- Where can I sign up? I’ve always wanted to learn fire-eating. It would really impress the lads down the pub.
- Until your new blog came up, there was no mention of Freemasons; now, it’s All Freemasons, All the Time. Why have you changed your tune?
- Why have we heard nothing at all from Ella for the past several weeks?
- Is she still alive?
- Do you allow her to speak?
- Have you stopped beating Ella?
- Do you use soup spoons, dessert spoons, or serving spoons?
- Why has Ella made no attempt to ask after the welfare of her children?
- Does she actually even like them?
- If not, why did she bother having them?
- What’s life like on the run, after trying and failing to frame Ella’s ex-partner?
- I’m planning a trip to the south of Spain in a month or so. What sort of sunscreen would you recommend?
- Have you heard from Ella’s ex-husband over your libellous statements about him?
- Has he cut off Ella’s allowance yet?
- Does Ella still have her Jaguar? I used to love seeing it sitting in her driveway in Hampstead. Sure, it was an older model, but still you can’t beat a Jag for that timeless, posh look.
- Why did you not want the CPS involved in this case?
- Were you hoping to keep it within the family courts so you could just quietly ensure that Ricky never had contact with his children again?
- The CRIS report states that the police were not initially allowed entry to speak to the children and Ella. So what did you want, and who did you want involved?
- Why were you going to keep a murderous, cannibalistic paedophile cult secret?
- Recently you wrote the following: “Satanism. Freemasons. Synonymous. Simples. Satanism. Freemasons. Sodomy. Synonymous. Simpler. Satanism. Freemasons. Sodomy, Infanticide, Synonymous. Complicated.” Is your brain broken? Or have you finally snapped after all that cannabis?