Neelu leads team of fruitcakes in anti-‘satanity’ crystal-burying project

Are you feeling down in the dumps, wondering what this world’s coming to? Do you wish you could do something to turn the world’s frown upside down?

No, nor do we.

But Neelu and her merry gang of lunatics have decided to take matters into their own hands, to ‘invert all the mistakes in the dictionaries’ (whatever that means).

Along with fellow fruit loops Barry Lyndon (no, not the one from the Thackeray novel, the one who decorates his bedroom in clippings about UFOs) and Penny Pullen (we’re sure you remember her astonishing ability to determine the future via pendulum dowsing…PEN-dulum, geddit?), she’s formed the UK Crystal Team.

Because of course she is.

Their goal: “Starting with “OM” prayers in the heart of Satan in Parliament Square on behalf of humanity to remove all satanity on Mother Earth”.

Neelu Berry + Penny Pullen + crystals

Their first mission, at Parliament Square: “The first crystal for foetuses, babies, birthing mums, suckling mums to be freed from slavery, satanity, satanic rituals of cannibalism, vampirism, rapes, sodomy, mental, physical, psychological torture”. The second crystal (rose quartz, for anyone interested) went out to “Women, wives, girls, aunts, sisters, neices, grandmothers, great-grandmothers, grand-daughters, great grand daughters….”, while Crystal 3 was for all the “boys, men, husbands, dads, grand-dads, great grand-dads, nephews, cousins…” and Crystal 4 was chucked into the River Thames for “the minerals, water, earth, fire, air”.

Glad to see they’re covering all their bases.

Well done, ladies and gent! We’re sure the satanists are quivering in their…robes. Or whatever.

34 thoughts on “Neelu leads team of fruitcakes in anti-‘satanity’ crystal-burying project

  1. I think there may be a typo in your article, or perhaps not.
    It’s undeniable though, that the the sentence “Their goal: “[Is] … to remove all satanity on Mother Earth”. makes more sense when we remove the 2nd and 3rd letters from the ‘word’ ‘Satanity’.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Did he just say, “when I was talking to the Andromedans”? This is pure comedy. I know it’s not meant to be comedy, but look at their faces. Priceless. These fruitloops actually believe this stuff. I’m still laughing hehehe

    Liked by 1 person

  3. is it really the decent thing to do, you all mocking mentally ill people. Bit pathetic in my opinon


    • Nope. In fact nothing about this case is decent.

      It’s not decent when people don’t go to Court because they’re intimidated.

      It’s not decent when someone is clearly mentally ill and doing damage to innocent people and said person’s family do nothing to get them help or contain their behaviour.

      It’s not decent when you hear about an old lady in Hampstead having a breakdown and having to go into a nursing home because of harassment.

      It’s not decent when innocent people are called paedophiles and baby killers.

      Personally I laugh so I don’t cry. How about you?

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Brings a new meaning to being ‘stoned’ LOL

    I would love to see these two fruity loops in a Walliams and Lucas sketch in Little Britain……crying out for these two characters…

    Liked by 2 people

  5. One day a treasure hunter searching along the Thames at low tide is going to get a nice surprise and find that crystal not knowing the enormous power it holds within.
    Little do they realise that when they shove into a bag to take home they will be unleashing Satanic forces within the Houses of Parliament they have lain dormant since Neelu & The Crystal Team struck them down. It’s like the plot of another Omen movie.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. They are driving me bonkers! And to think Neelu was a pharmacist and Penny a teacher. Of what i wonder? Hopefully something like Art or Cooking.

    Liked by 1 person

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