It’s Frances’ Mail Bag Time Again


Dear Frances Fans,

It’s yet again time for Frances to open her mail bag, delve inside and choose one, totally at random, to read aloud to you, her fans, today.

Here, as young people say, we go:

Dear Frances,

I’m tired.  Tired of playing the game.  I’m so tired.

For quite some time NOW I have been WRITING to people who have offended ME, using caps and LOWER-CASE letters to make my point.

I’ve enjoyed utilizing this method of WRITING BECAUSE I know it makes the reader work extra HARD to UNDERstand ME.  And what I have to say, which is ALWAYS very IMPORTANT.

In the past, I have utilised the long-winded technique, as developed by James JOYCE in ULYSSES.  I copy from Dickens and MELville, because they seemed to dislike their sentences coming to a stop as well.

You might well ask why I’M WRITING to YOU, a 7 foot tall satanist, today.  It is because I am EXHAUSTED from writing as much as I DO.  I’m EXHAUSTED, do you hear, exhausted!  And my doctor tells me I’ve got some kind of repetitive STRAIN injury in MY WRIST from typing so much. He says it is from typing, but the way he wriggled his eyebrows at ME, and the wrist-action he made when he said it, leads ME to think he is ONE OF YOU, and a sataNIST Pervert as well.

Still.  My WRIST DOES HURT, no matter how it happened.

Why DOES NO ONE like ME, FRANCES??  I write to thousandS of Satanist Devil WorshIPPERS, DEMANDING they stop their SATANIC play, but NO ONE answers me.  Well, some DO ANSWER BUt only to say rude things like “gosh, I’d love to read more but I’m too busy eating my baby stew” or “Your name is Drifloud?  Hahahahaha, that sounds like a sanitary napkin or incontinence knicker!  Choose another name, Dri…best regards, WetFart”

These comments ARE wounding.   I, A CONSCIOUS, Living BEING, feel I’M not being taken SERIOUSLY.

What should I DO, Frances?  I know that Angie and Charlotte have come to you for GOOD,SOLID AdVICe and now it’s MY turn.  I want to keep sabotaging and HURTING YOU GUYS but FEAR I”M not feeling the gusto anyMORE.

Look AT ME, I CAN barely use the CAPS button anymore.

Woe is me..
A conscious, liVING BEING,
but you can call ME XXXX

Well.  Frances is pleased to know her advice is so valued and sought after.  Not surprised, mind you, just pleased.

Mr Drifloud, Frances would suggest a change of name and tone.  Announcing yourself as a Conscious Living Being all the time is so pretentious.  As she used to chide her dear, dear friend Billy Joel, “Mr Billy, please stop telling everyone you ARE an Innocent Man.  Trust Frances, we heard you the first time”.

Also, writing harassing letters to members of the public is so, as young people say, 1692.  As Frances recalls, there were Witch Trials occurring then, with many people writing poison pen letters about, and to, innocent people in the town of Salem, Massachusetts.  Such an ugly time.  Frances tried to convince her fellow jurors of the folly of their judgment, but they refused to listen.   Not a pleasant memory for Frances to think back upon, sadly.

Frances feels the need for a reviving cup of tea, to help cope with those memories.  Please, give her a moment.

Fully revived, Frances makes her return to the page.

Mr Drifloud, do consider another name.  Perhaps Mr Pansy Breath, or even Mr Wittle Bottom would be better choices.  Frances is in agreement with the person who said your name has unfortunate connotations.  Time for a change, Frances thinks.

Finally, your over- and incorrect-usage of capital letters must stop immediately.  Frances has been reliably informed that their usage betrays a certain, how shall Frances put it, immaturity on the part of the writer.

If one wishes to be taken seriously, the meaningless capital letters must cease.

Frances hopes she has helped you.  She feels she has covered, as young baseball fans say, all the bases here.


Thanks for sharing, Frances 😀


6 thoughts on “It’s Frances’ Mail Bag Time Again

  1. Dear Francis

    PlEaSe CoUlD you HeLp

    I am GoiNg inTo mEltdown noW

    I hAvE to shUt my bLog the nasty WebMasTer saiD

    I haVe noW tAkeN to TypIng IntERmiTTent CAPS

    WhAt shOuLd I Do ??

    I FeEl I havE beeN betraYEd by eLLa and aBe sAbIne aNd bElinDa haVe tUrneD thEir bacKs on mE

    I Am aLL wAsHed uP anD reAdy to qUiT

    FraNcEs wHat dO yUo thInK I shOUlD dO ?

    JAcQuIe xxXX

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dear FRanCes,
    I kEEp reaDing HR and lauGHING tilL I peE mYself. WhaT ShouLd I do?
    ShOulD I buY DrYflooD inContIneNce paDs? Do THEy worK? WhY canT wE buY kniCKerS wIth goOd guSSeTs aNymorE?
    Viv Leek


  3. Viv LeeK

    I senT soMe TennaS to JacQuiE

    PmSl wOOOOps JuSt dId — dA dA tHey WoRk

    FrAncIs hAS sOmE gOod aDviCe I hOpe Jf tAkEs it.


  4. JACQUIE farmer HAS announced SHE is GOING to TAKE her BLOG down

    NO NO no no SHE has BEEN told TO take IT down



  5. I love the posts from Frances, she is a lady with a great sense of humour and is always a pleasure to read


  6. I love her too. In fact I am going over there right now for some more entertainment.


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